The Aftershock
by DarkBard0
Summary: Sequel to The Reconnect.  FF slash, do not read if offended.
1. Chapter 1

**Pairing **– Alex/Marissa

**Rating – **18/M

**Spoilers **– I don't think there is any really

**Disclaimer – **I don't own anything

**Setting **– This is the sequel to The Reconnect.

**Thank you **– To all those from the various groups/sites that I posted The Reconnect on, that asked for, and or encouraged a sequel to it. I hope The Aftermath is good enough, it took me a little longer than I expected after fighting with it for a while! But here it is none the less.

The Aftershock 

**Chapter one**

The drive back to L.A had been reasonably uneventful. Seemingly, people didn't feel the need to be out driving late on a Sunday, which suited Alex Kelly down to the ground. The roads were quiet and the smooth ride had given her ample time to think. Mostly about Marissa. Oh who was she kidding? All about Marissa.

Upon leaving Newport, butterflies had been happily swimming in Alex's stomach. Something inside of her which had been broken before, was now on its way to healing just nicely. A weight had been lifted from her shoulders and she had basically been floating in a state of euphoria. She had Marissa back again, which she had been wanting since the moment they had said their goodbyes. And more than that, she really had her this time. This weekend they had connected in a way that they never had before, and it both excited and scared the blonde.

But as she had been driving, Alex had started to contemplate more. About her situation with Marissa. About her past, and her future. The things she hadn't given enough thought to back in Newport. She hadn't listened to her doubts, or her fears. She had been so overwhelmed to have Marissa saying all the things she'd ever wanted her to say, that her brain had been sucked into a black hole. Now, on the quiet, dark roads, she had only her thoughts keeping her company.

How the hell was this supposed to work? Was she even strong enough to make it work? Was Marissa? She had been through so much lately, could she take this on? Was she really willing to leap into this relationship, and what it meant for her life? Would she wake up tomorrow and count her actions in some disastrous drug fuelled mistake?

The further away from Newport she got, the more the doubts bombarded her head.

There were three main fears that the blonde couldn't shake. The first being that maybe Marissa was just so hurt she was going back to what she knew. Back when they had first gone out, Alex was sure Marissa was seeking some hideaway from her problems. Someone to keep her safe for a while. Someone to protect her. And she had done just that for her again this weekend. She had driven down there as soon as Marissa had beckoned her. Because she really wanted her? Or because she knew she would?

Her brain desperately tried to counter argue her fear by telling her if Marissa was looking for someone safe, someone to protect her and something familiar, she would still be with Ryan. She would have gone back to Ryan, like she had before. Certainly she wouldn't have involved Julie. She wouldn't have kissed her in front of her Mother. But fears were hard to dispel. And Marissa and Ryan's past was hard to think past. There was always that history there.

Alex knew she was being irrational. Perhaps through fear of loosing someone she loved again. Her steal fortress walls were hard to break through, and unfortunately in her young life she didn't have the greatest optimistic outlook. She knew she had a tendency to be bitter, pessimistic, stubborn, combative, jealous and reluctant to put her trust in anyone.

That brought her to her next fear. How did she go about sharing her past with Marissa? Opening up didn't exactly come naturally to her. There was always something there; stopping her from going the distance even if she wanted to. She was brooding, and obstinate, and she knew exactly how to hurt someone to keep them from getting too deep. She knew how to push people away. But even if she managed to overcome that with Marissa, even if she did open up and tell her everything, Alex was still unsure as to how the brunette would take it.

The last of her biggest fears was the distance between them. They were two hours away from one another, which could have been worse but it was still bad enough. Marissa couldn't uproot her life to L.A, and she couldn't uproot her life to Newport again. They were stuck, as though in limbo. Their time together would be severely limited. She was afraid that the physical distance between them would add to an emotional distance.

By the time Alex surfaced out of her thoughts, she realised she was sitting in front of her apartment building. Just sitting there in the dark and silence, parked up in her jeep. She wasn't even sure how long she had been there for, but there was one coherent thought running through her mind.

Alex 

I can't do this…


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

After dragging herself up and into her apartment, Alex felt a small but noticeable weight lift off her shoulders as she closed her front door. Home was a shelter where she could hide. She felt safe here, and that made her believe none of this could touch her. For a second anyway.

The safe, warm feeling began to fade as quickly as it had come. Even though the apartment was still dark, Alex could see the clatter of destruction she had left behind. The strewn clothes, the faint whiff of the abandoned bottle of beer, and of course, the smell of sex. Immediately her stomach dipped, making her feel sick. She had never felt like this before. She thought having Marissa back would stop some of the hurt inside of her. It only seemed to be making it worse.

Sighing, Alex looked numbly at the flashing button on her answering machine. She stared at it hesitantly, almost afraid to push it. She wasn't so sure she wanted to know who had called while she had been in Newport. Not right now. But as it usually did with her, curiosity won out. She lifted her finger and pushed play.

**Carly**

Hey, it's me. Erm…Carly. Listen, I just wanted to apologise for earlier. I didn't mean to pressure you or anything. I certainly never meant to make it seem like I was analysing you either. Look Alex, I know you have all this crap going on and that, and I don't want to add to it. But I really like you, and I think we could have something special. I'm not gunna give up on you. It's not over until it's over, as they say. Bye.

The blonde schoolgirl ran one hand through her long hair as she used the other to delete the message. This wasn't what she needed right now. Things were fucked up enough without Carly adding to the mix. How was she supposed to sort her own head out and make sure things with Marissa and herself were okay when Carly was going to be hanging around? Would Marissa understand? Would she get upset about it? There was nothing about this situation that Alex liked right now. The unanswered questions just kept swirling around her head, giving her one hell of a headache.

Pushing the thoughts from her mind, or rather out right ignoring them, Alex set about picking up her stuff. Walking into the bedroom, she shoved her discarded clothes into her washing hamper and dragged it over to the bed. Quickly, and not so gently, she yanked off the sheets and shoved them into the hamper too. After that, she grabbed her bin and trashed the condom and its wrappers into it. It was only when she looked at the bed properly, guilt and fear clouding her striking blue/grey eyes, that the cascade of memories started to surface.

The way Ritchie had touched her, his hands burning over her skin. The way he had kissed her, breathed onto her neck, penetrated her. The feelings, the images, they were burnt into her memory. And it wasn't just Ritchie. It was Carly, it was Emma and Noah and Rob. Tina. Eva. Miguel. Brent. Glenn. Lola. Even Jodie. Right here. She was sure there were more. Here or anywhere else. The way they had fucked her. The way she had devoured them. The way she had lost herself in them.

It was only when she dragged the hamper into the kitchen and started shoving the clothes and bed sheets into the washing machine did she realise that she was crying. She was trembling too. Her past was catching up on her, and she didn't like it. She didn't want to face it, and she certainly didn't want Marissa to face it. Nor did she want to face the possibility that Marissa had changed her mind.

**Alex**

This is fucking ridiculous Alex. Get a hold of yourself. You're freaking out over nothing. Just talk to her. You just need to hear her voice.

Turning the machine on after putting the fabric softer and soap in, Alex stood up properly and walked back into her bedroom. Once there, she strode over to one of her shelves and lit some incense. Then, she pulled out her cell phone and scrolled down to find Marissa's name. After pressing call, the 18 year old went to her draws and pulls out some new sheets, tossing them onto the bed as she crossed over to her closet and pulled out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Again, she ran a hand through her blonde tresses as she listened to the ringing on the other end.

**Marissa**

Hey, you've reached Marissa. Leave a message if you want…

Quickly, Alex flicked her phone shut and stared at it. Marissa has specifically asked her to call when she got home. Why wasn't she picking up? Had she changed her mind? Was she avoiding her?

Exhausted, Alex let her thoughts swirl around her head as she showered and changed for bed. After changing and putting the new sheets on, there was still no response from Marissa. Could she have backed out? Now that things had calmed down, now that Alex had rescued her, had she had time to think about what she had done?

_I just miss you, all of the time. _

That was the last thing Alex heard inside of her head as she cried herself to sleep.

**Newport**

Marissa jumped awake, panicked eyes searching the darkness of her room. Realising that she was safe and at home, the teenagers heart started to calm in her chest. Frightened eyes closed shut for a moment, as her head throbbed in pain. The next thing she noticed was the churning in her stomach.

Bolting sideways, she leaned over the edge of the bed and puked into the bowl that had been left there just in case. As the vomit came out, her stomach began to feel lighter. She hoped that this was the last of her vomit sessions. Like any other person, she hated being sick. Also it just served as a reminder of what she had done.

**Julie**

Marissa, are you okay?

Marissa looked up to see her Mother in the doorway, frowning in concern. The brunette got a pang of guilt, knowing Julie had been asleep from her sleepy tone and look in her eyes. However, there was no annoyance there. Just concern and love. It was relieving to see, and made the teenage rebel comforted.

**Marissa**

Yeah, I'm okay.

Marissa replied groggily, looking pained and drip white as she sat up, running a hand shakily through her damp hair.

Julie ventured forward as Marissa lent over again to spit into the bowl before rinsing her mouth out with some of the water left for her before spitting that out too. Then, she sighed as she flopped back onto her back again. Julie perched on the side of the bed, smiling as she brushed some of Marissa's hair back.

**Julie**

Did Alex call you?

She wondered lightly. Marissa, at the mention of Alex, widened her eyes in alarm. She lifted up her hand, to see she had fallen asleep clutching her phone. She flicked it open, discovering that Alex had indeed called and she had missed it. There was no voice mail that had been left, which made her sigh dejectedly.

**Marissa**

Damnit, I fell asleep. I should call.

Julie smiled warmly; thinking it sweet how wrapped up Marissa was in her feelings for Alex. She may have had a hard time handling it before, but now, she really didn't see why she had felt so threatened by her daughter's feelings toward another girl. All she could think of was that she had been through a lot since then, and she had sorted out her way of thinking. She had put her daughters first, rather than her reputation.

**Julie**

Honey, its 4am. Call her in the morning.

**Marissa**

Yeah, okay. Thanks Mom.

Nodding in agreement, the brunette girl began to feel a little disorientated with exhaustion. She hadn't realised it was so late, but her body was desperate for sleep and making her aware of it. Deciding not to fight, and that Alex would be asleep too anyhow; she snuggled into her pillow and let her eyes close.

**Julie**

'Kay honey, goodnight.

Julie leant forward and placed a gentle kiss on her daughter's forehead before standing up and leaving her to sleep.

**Monday morning**

**Summer**

Coop! Hurry up; you can't put this off forever.

Summer whined petulantly, sighing as she checked her watch again before sighing impatiently as she flung her head back and looked up at the ceiling of the trailer. The girl narrowed her eyes, focusing her attention on something she couldn't identify. She screwed her nose up, quickly looking back down.

**Summer**

Eww…_Coop_!

**Marissa**

God Summer I'm coming, stop screeching. My head is killing me.

Nodding as she rolled her eyes, Summer flailed lightly and put her hands on her hips. She loved her friend dearly, honestly she did. But she just wasn't moving quickly enough for her. There was a plan, and they needed to execute the plan. Now.

**Julie**

Good morning Summer.

Turning to see Julie stride out of her side of the trailer, dressed in her pyjamas, Summer dropped her jaw and widened her eyes. Quickly, she dropped her hands and felt her cheeks flush.

**Summer**

Oh my god, Mrs Cooper I totally didn't know you were here. Did I wake you up? I'm so sorry.

The eighteen year old rambled sweetly, making Julie smirk a little. She had always liked Summer. She had always been there for Marissa. Always supported her and helped her out. Julie wished she had been lucky enough to have a friend like that when she was their age. Marissa was extremely lucky. Although, it had always struck the older woman how they had managed to become such good friends in the first place. You would think that they would be complete opposites. The only noticeable thing they had in common was fashion and shopping. Marissa had always been darker. Always been more rebellious, perhaps aloof and somewhat destructive. But Summer? She was bouncy, optimistic and light. How the two had bonded as they had, Julie would probably never know. She was just grateful that they had.

**Julie**

It's okay dear, I was awake. Marissa is getting ready for school?

In actual fact, Julie had been sleeping peacefully, finally. Until she had jumped awake when Summer had started shouting at Marissa, obviously anxious to leave for the day. School had never made either of the girls run out of the door in the morning, so she suspected something else was going on. And her first clue was Summer's look as she nodded slightly, a soft, sympathetic and worried look crossing her beautiful features.

**Summer**

She's going to see Ryan. You know, to officially break up with him? She's telling him about Alex. Then it's school.

**Julie**

Sounds like fun. Do you think Ryan will take it well?

Summer shrugged, asking herself the same question.

**Summer**

I really have no idea. But don't worry; I'll take care of Coop.

Julie smiled, completely reassured that Summer would indeed take care of her daughter. What with the rage blackouts and all, she knew Summer could hold her own. She was extremely protective over Marissa, like a mother lion. It was clear to anyone that the dark haired girl adored her best friend, she wasn't about to let anyone hurt her.

**Julie**

While you're at it, you think you could convince her to call her Father?

**Marissa**

Drop it Mom, I'm not calling him. I'm not talking to him. I'm ready Sum, let's go.

Both Summer and Julie turned to see Marissa walk out of her little room, looking somewhat annoyed as she flipped her phone shut and tucked it into her pocket. She shot her Mother a glare on hearing her bring up her Dad again, then picked

up her bag.

**Julie**

He's in Miami; he doesn't know you're not talking to him honey.

Marissa tilted her head, narrowing her eyes as she got even more pissed off.

**Marissa**

Well then he should pick up the phone once in a while so I could hang up on him. I think he'd get the message then, wouldn't he?

Turning away from Julie and whatever she was about to utter in defence of her Father, she began to shove Summer in the way of the door. Her shorter friend flailed at her, disgruntled at being shoved and poked when she had been the one waiting for Marissa all along.

**Summer**

Coop, stop herding me, I can walk on my own!

**10 minutes later – Cohen residence**

**Summer**

Move it Cohen.

**Seth**

Ow! Stop being vicious.

**Summer**

Well let me see, window hog.

**Seth**

Use the other window.

**Summer**

This one is better. C'mon shift it.

Sandy and Kirsten Cohen walked into the archway of the kitchen slowly, completely bewildered as to what was going on. The sight before them was amusing in an odd way, but utterly confusing. Their son and his girlfriend were currently in what seemed to be a war over one of the patio door windows. Pushing and shoving one another like playground school children.

**Seth**

You're like, 4 foot tall.

Seth pointed out with a huff, flailing up and down to indicate his girlfriend's body length. Which only seemed to make her even madder. Like a whippet, she turned to him properly; hands on hips with that look that terrified him. That look she got seconds before going rage black out. Summer was a scary, scary girl.

**Summer**

So what you lanky bobble headed geek?

She snapped in recoil, ready to snap her skinny assed boyfriend in half. Why was she dating Seth Cohen again? This long together and she _still _couldn't figure it out. It was all his fault. He was too adorable. There was just something about him that she couldn't get enough of. Something that she just had to love. Damnit!

**Seth**

No I mean you could stand in front of me, I can see over you.

He explained quickly, but still in that way that made it sound like he was talking to a child. She stopped for a moment, frowning as she thought about it. Of course he was right, they were fighting for nothing.

**Summer**

Oh.

Nodding contentedly, she let Seth off the hook and flapped at him to get out of the way so she could stand in front of him.

**Kirsten**

What the hell are you two doing?

Kirsten demanded, even more confused now than when she had stepped in a moment ago. Seth and Summer had the strangest relationship. She watched, as did Sandy, as they both jumped around, being taken off guard. Seth raised his eyebrows, then pointed over toward the pool house.

**Seth**

Oooh we're trying to see how Ryan and Marissa's break up is going.

**Summer**

Yeah, making sure nothing happens.

Both Sandy and Kirsten moved forward to look through to the pool house like the two adolescents, intrigued as to what was going on now. Ryan and Marissa had an extremely turbulent relationship it almost astonished them that they even tried. Kirsten supposed that there must have been something there to go to all that effort for though. Of course they had their good times, she suppose that made up for all the bad times and heartache that they had caused each other. Evidently, seeing all the flailing going on between them in the pool house, this was yet another bad time. They seemed to be stacking up lately.

**Sandy**

They're breaking up _again_?

Sandy wondered, slightly aghast. How did they do this all of the time? He was sure that he had broken up with fewer girls in his lifetime than Ryan and Marissa had broken up just together.

**Kirsten**

What happened this time?

**Seth**

Coop went gay!

Seth practically bounced as he said it, rubbing his hands together with a little glint in his eyes that was slightly disturbing. He was a little too excited about the idea of Marissa being a lesbian. Though, Seth doubted he was alone about that. The imagery alone was fantastic. That was until the image was accosted out of him as Summer promptly jammed her elbow into his ribs, making him huff loudly and yelp in pain. His girlfriend just flailed, unimpressed yet again.

**Summer**

I told you; don't call her Coop it freaks her out. That's what I call her. Besides, she doesn't know if she's gay. _Duh_. She's just in love with a girl. God Cohen, don't you listen to anything I tell you?

She squeaked loudly, as Seth bent over slightly, holding onto his ribs that were currently throbbing with pain.

**Seth**

What? I'm sorry I didn't hear you through the pain of my broken ribs.

Sandy flicked a dismissive hand at his boy, his shocked eyes focusing on Summer now.

**Sandy**

You'll be fine son. Marissa is _gay_?

**Kirsten**

In love with another girl. Don't you listen to Summer either?

Kirsten demanded as she rolled her eyes. Her husband shrugged innocently, completely overwhelmed with this mornings revelations. This is what happened over breakfast in Newport.

**Sandy**

Well she talks so fast!

**5 minutes earlier – The pool house**

Marissa couldn't decide between smirking or grimacing as she hovered at the door of the pool house. Silently, leaning on the frame a little, she watched Ryan collect his things for school, putting them into his satchel, as he seemed deep in thought. When she looked at him, Marissa was still engulfed with inexplicable feelings. The Chino kid had really gotten to her on some level, and she doubted that she would have gotten through some of the times these past 3 years without him being there beside her.

Still, she didn't love him. Not like that. As a friend, a very close friend. But she wasn't in love with him. Not the way she knew she should have been, the way he expected her to be. Marissa even doubted whether she had ever been in love with Ryan. She thought she had been, but she had been hiding and fighting her emotions for so long that she felt most of her life had been upside down. And things were only just starting to turn the right way up again. She couldn't explain it, but she knew she was going to have to try. She owed the man in front of her that much. She also owed him a lot more.

**Ryan**

Hey.

Ryan's soft greeting made her blink back into reality, realising she had zoned out for a minute. When she looked up properly, the fair-haired eighteen year old was looking at her with a guarded but warm expression. Marissa couldn't be sure, but the look in Ryan's eyes told her he knew what was coming. Actually, it had been somewhat obvious for a while now. But neither of them had been willing to admit it to the other. It was odd how people held onto things, even when it was time to let go.

**Marissa**

Hey. I think we should talk.

**Ryan**

Erm…okay.

The lanky brunette stepped in slowly, closing the door behind her. She didn't know why exactly, it wasn't like anyone was out here listening. Maybe just to give her a few more seconds of time. Time to work out how she was supposed to do this. As much as things had changed, this was still hard. As much as she knew she wasn't in love with Ryan, there was part of her that didn't want to let go. He was Ryan, and he had been so significant in her life. She guessed that didn't have to change. She hoped it would continue as friends, if Ryan still wanted to be her friend. Either way, it was time to do this. Not just because she was in love with Alex, but for herself and Ryan too. This charade needed to be over so everyone could move on.

**Marissa**

But first, I just wanna say that I didn't mean what I said the other night. That was me trying to push you away, and I'm sorry.

Looking her…technically still a boyfriend, straight in the eye, she apologised sincerely. She regretted what she had said, about Ryan being glad that Johnny was dead, as soon as she had said it. Never let it be said that Marissa Cooper didn't know how to hurt someone to get them away from her. She had learnt that skill a long time ago, it was more like an art form. Ryan hadn't deserved it. She wished she could have blamed it on being on a bad trip, or the vodka, but all that had come after she had stuck the knife into his gut. That was just her.

**Ryan**

Thanks.

Ryan nodded, barely managing a curve of a smirk. But the nod and the grateful expression in his deep brown eyes acknowledged Marissa. He accepted the apology, realising that she had still been in a tough place, and that she had just lashed out. It had hurt at the time, but it was nothing that he couldn't forgive her for. Worse things had happened.

After he had left the trailer, Ryan had begun to muse on his relationship with the notorious Marissa Cooper. He thought about what they had been through, the good and bad times. And lately, how they had just gravitated away from each other more than they ever had before. He had spent, oddly enough, a lot of the weekend with Sadie, and things had felt so much different. So much lighter, and easier. Sadie came from a whole different world than Marissa did. He felt guilty to think it, but Marissa was a Queen of pain. She was dark, and things with her was hard. He knew she didn't mean to be like that, she just was. Something inside of her was broken, and he wasn't strong enough to fix it for her. And looking into her eyes right now, he knew she was thinking exactly the same thing.

**Marissa**

So, I'm here to break up with you.

Marissa blurted matter of factly after a short pause drifted between them. She didn't know how else to say it. They had just been stood there, staring at each other. Both of them understanding that this was the end, but she knew someone needed to say it first. Just to make it final.

**Ryan**

Yeah, I suspected as much.

Ryan replied knowingly, still looking at her warmly, softly. Watching as she shrugged, holding her shoulders up as she searched for something to say, her expression turning guilty.

**Marissa**

I'm sorry.

She whispered hoarsely, surprised that her eyes glazed over with tears. She hadn't felt like she was going to cry before. She knew she was doing the right thing. Maybe actually letting go made it all too final. That and she was overwhelmed thinking about all the things she had put Ryan through. All the pain she had put herself and the people around her through these past few years. It wasn't over, Marissa knew that. She had a lot going on inside, and she knew that wasn't magically going to go away. But this was a step in the right direction. She realised that her eyes were glistening because this chapter of her life was finishing, and she was so relieved that it was.

**Ryan**

No, don't be. This…it needed to happen. I think we've both known it for a while. But I don't regret any of it.

Marissa laughed lightly, wiping the tears out of her eyes as she looked away for a moment, before nodding in agreement as she looked back at him. He looked so sweet standing there, smirking at her affectionately. She believed him. He'd do it again, she knew he would. He'd go through everything she had put him through again. He was stupid, but she loved him for it. She appreciated it. Most of all she was relieved that he didn't blame her, didn't hate her. It gave her some hope.

**Ryan**

So I mean, we can be friends right?

**Marissa**

I think that's going to be up to you. After I tell you something. I'm in love with someone. Alex. I'm in love with Alex.

Now Marissa felt the pang of nerves swimming in her stomach. She felt her breath catch, waiting to gage his reaction. She knew that Ryan knew this was the end, but she knew he wouldn't expect her to say that. As far as he knew, Alex was a closed book. He had won their contest for her, and she had left town. He had no idea how much Marissa had thought of her, no idea what happened this weekend.

**Ryan**

Alex. Huh.

As was usually the case, Ryan didn't give much of a readable reaction. He frowned a little bit thoughtfully, not showing anything much more than mild surprise. In a way, he had expected it. He had felt Marissa slipping away from him since the blonde bar tender had left, but he hadn't actually thought it was because Marissa still loved her. He had just assumed that it was someone like Johnny. So he had gotten the situation, but not the person right.

**Marissa**

Yeah. We kinda…well we talked yesterday. We're giving it another shot.

She continued, cringing a little as she spoke gently. She had never intended to hurt him, but she couldn't work out if she had or not. Sometimes she just wanted to smack him upside the head, to get a real response out of him. Ryan had a tendency to underplay what he was feeling so no one could work him out. Was he doing that now? Or was he just overwhelmed?

**Ryan**

Oh. Well good for you. I hope it works out.

She got her answer. Sighing with relief, and letting her shoulders relax as she realised she had tensed up; Marissa walked forward and embraced him tightly. Coming over here, she had been preparing herself for the worst. After all the fighting they had been doing lately, the more detached they had become from one another, she was expecting something completely different. She certainly hadn't expected his understanding or his support.

**Marissa**

Thank you, that means a lot to me.

Ryan smiled as she stepped back, and he was glad to see some of the worry lift from her eyes. They were actually twinkling; he hadn't seen them do that in quite some time. If Alex had put that sparkle back in Marissa's eyes, he was all for encouraging their relationship. Frankly, he was glad that it was Alex that he was stepping aside for. He knew how much Alex loved Marissa; he had seen that for himself last year. He knew that the brunette would be safe with her, and that eased his mind a hell of a lot. They may not have belonged together, but Ryan still wanted to be friends, and his protective nature was always going to be strong when it came to her.

**Ryan**

Hey, I just want what's best for you. So, we good?

He smirked again, with a small shrug before holding out his hand. Marissa smiled, reaching out and shaking his open hand as confirmation that they were good. Finally, something was going right in her life. And Ryan's, he seemed a little easier and lighter now too. They should have done this sooner.

**Ryan**

You know, we have an audience. Don't look.

It had been Seth and Summer fighting over the best window space that had caught his eye. Maybe if they would just have stood still, he might not have noticed them. The pair made him laugh inwardly sometimes, they were such an odd couple. But it seemed to work for them.

**Marissa**

We do huh? How about we give 'em a show for a couple of minutes?

Getting a devilish and mischievous smirk across her lips, Marissa pushed Ryan as gently as she could back away from her, but made it look aggressive. If they wanted a show, they would get one!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

**L.A**

After her turbulent night of sleep, Alex had managed to drag herself out of bed. She had first of all, checked her phone. Getting no word from Marissa, the blonde was beginning to wonder what was going on. Was everything inside her head justified, or was she just panicking for no reason? Marissa might just have been in a deep sleep.

The morning had brought a rational calm to Alex's wayward and haphazard thoughts. Shaking them away, she decided to give Marissa some trust and the benefit of the doubt. After all, she had been through a hell of a lot this weekend. Alex began to scorn herself for being so selfish and insecure. It was time for some changes within herself. She had already started to change, and she was determined to continue doing so. So instead of worrying even more, she set about getting ready for the joy that was school.

**30 minutes later**

Smirking faintly as she barely missed a couple of the cheerleaders; Alex pulled her jeep into a spot in front of her school, music blaring. She ignored the cheerleaders behind her, who were trying to goat her into an argument or make her feel guilty, which weren't going to work. Okay, so maybe she couldn't change some things even if she tried!

Shutting her engine off, the music stopped and Alex unbuckled herself, leaning to grab her bag from the passenger seat. She moved to get out, but then stopped suddenly. Turning back, she took off her sunglasses and then reached over to the glove compartment. Rustling through some papers impatiently, she finally found what she was looking for. A photo, taken last year at The Bait Shop, of her and Marissa. She had always loved this photo, and had never been able to really part with it. They were stood together, both with an arm around each other's waist, looking at something off camera. They were both laughing, the smile reaching their eyes, making them sparkle. It never failed to make Alex smile, like it did now.

Alex put the photo on her knee as she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. Fishing it out, she flipped it open, not being able to keep the smile that crossed her lips hidden as she saw she had gotten a message from Marissa. Pressing read, her powerfully penetrating eyes scanned the words, making her smirk.

''_Sorry I missed your call, I slipped into a coma! Don't have time to call now but I promise I will at lunch. Miss you already. I'll be thinking about you. Love Marissa. Xxx.''_

It was strange how one text message could make someone so happy. The nervous butterflies of doubt that had been flapping around in her stomach and the back of her mind exploded into dust, putting to rest some of the fears that Alex had had the night before. Things weren't perfect, but they were much better. She still had Marissa, and she was determined to keep hold of her. Far be it for her to back down from a challenge, even if it scared her half to death. She was still stubborn, jealous, un-trusting and all the rest of it, but Alex had realised something. She was also strong. She was independent, and she was a fighter. She had never backed down from anything, until that night she had left Newport and Marissa. And she had only done that because she thought it would make the other girl happy. She couldn't walk away, she couldn't back down. It wasn't in her nature. Whatever her issues were, she had to tackle them. And she had to start with putting her trust in her girlfriend. Starting now.

**Jaden**

Yo, you in there Kelly?

Alex started, looking at the eighteen-year-old guy that was currently leaning over the passenger side door, looking at her like she had three heads. Jaden was your typical high school rebel badass. Clad out in old, baggy jeans, a black T-shirt with something she couldn't make out on it, and a baggy hoodie that zipped up. His messy black hair poked out of his hat, and his dark eyes looked like they had already been stoned this morning. He had the arrogance and gusto of the entire football team. Sometimes Alex wasn't exactly sure why she hung with him. He was always in trouble, and always trying to get her into trouble with him. But she had a soft spot for him anyway. Alex had always found her choice of friends strange. She could literally befriend anyone, as long as she had something to draw her in. They could be like Jaden, or Jodie, or Seth, it didn't really matter. Nerds, punks, stoners, ex cons, fancy girls, pretty boys…didn't really matter.

**Alex**

Yeah, I'm in here. Long weekend and no, I don't wanna tell you about it. And also no, I _still _don't want to sleep with you.

Alex gave him a shit-eating grin, before putting the photo of her and Marissa in her bag, then hopped out of her jeep. She smirked inwardly, hearing Jaden sigh heavily. Every single time they saw one another, Jaden started out with one question. Would she sleep with him yet? Her answer was constantly no. He only asked once, and it never bothered either of them after. Usually, the rest of their time was spent drinking, surfing, skating, going to the rock club they liked or trying to pick up girls. Oh, and of course, school. Couldn't forget school.

As Alex got out of her jeep, she looked over to see a car pull up a few yards away. The car she knew belonged to her other friends Mother. She watched as the girl got out awkwardly, lifting her heavy backpack onto her shoulders before she caught sight of Alex and waved happily. Alex gave her a heads up, before watching the curly haired girl lean down to listen to something her Mom was telling her.

**Jaden**

Still don't get why you hang out with those losers.

Whipping around quickly, the blonde shot a death glare to her fellow student. They had argued about this countless of times over the past year. She knew a lot of people thought the same. Why was Alex Kelly hanging with the school dorks? Alex was well aware of her reputation at school. The badass rebel. Confident, confrontational and ever so slightly dangerous. Like she had mentioned to Marissa, she was on permanent probation, everyone knew it. They knew about her fighting, they knew she had run a bar in Newport, they knew about her sexuality. She couldn't give a rat's ass what they knew, or what they thought. But it pissed her off that because of all that; she wasn't supposed to hang out with who she wanted to. They wanted to corner her off into one bracket, and they couldn't. That pissed them off.

**Alex**

Shut the hell up Jaden, they're not losers. They're my friends. Just 'cos they're not like you, or even me, it doesn't make them losers. If you actually spent a little time with them, you'd see that they're actually pretty cool people. They're good friends. They don't deserve the shit anyone gives them because they're smart and different. You of all people should understand that.

She snapped irritably, her previous good mood she had been in a moment previously gone. She fixed him with her stare, knowing that he couldn't look away. He was different from most of the kids here too, and he had copped for it. He'd been in fights, and lost a lot of them to the jocks. Just like her friends had. Sure, they were somewhat socially awkward, but who cared? They were funny, and compassionate, smart and trust worthy. What was so wrong with that? Sometimes Alex wished she'd turned out a little more like them. Not been such a wildcard. People tended to be scared of her, sometimes she liked it, sometimes she hated it.

They had been terrified of her at first. They'd heard her reputation when she had started there too. And as much as she hated to admit it, she had initially thought the same as Jaden. But after being put in their group for sciences and math, she had seen how nice they were. And they had seen that she wasn't as scary as they thought.

**Colt**

Hey, watch it you frickin' dork.

Alex turned around as she heard the insult, and the hyena laugh after it. There was a loud clatter that made a lot of the students turn to see Colt Matthews, the football teams Captain, knock the books that Casey was holding onto the floor. As Colt laughed, many of the other students did too, pointing and hackling mockingly. Casey stood there, motionless and speechless. She looked terrified and embarrassed. Angrily, Alex dropped her bag onto the floor, and marched the short distance it took to get over to the pair. As Colt began to step closer to Casey, probably to continue his bullying, Alex stepped in front of him, blocking his path and getting up in his face.

**Alex**

I suggest you apologise, right now.

She growled angrily, letting her eyes turn a little darker. She saw Colt falter, leaning back away from her a little to try and feel more comfortable. She didn't let him; she just stepped in after him, wanting him to squirm. He glanced around quickly, trying to hide his nervousness as he scanned how many people were watching. By now it was quite a few, and she knew he wouldn't back down in front of them. He was too much of a macho man to do that. So he scoffed, looking at her with contempt.

**Colt**

Or what Kelly?

She leaned in a little further, oozing that furious but calm vibe. The one that was most disturbing to people, because you never really knew what someone was capable of when they were like that. Her grey/blue eyes bored into him like an owl watched its prey. She had always liked the affect her eyes had on people, liked how piercing and powerful they were. How people couldn't help but be drawn to them. She could pin anyone with her stare, like she was doing now.

**Alex**

You really wanna find out, bitch?

She demanded threateningly, an underlying tone of menace behind her voice. Her expression nothing else but challenging and dangerous. She was a riot girl, right? That's what they called her. A riot girl was what they would get. Unpredictable and unreadable. Colt was too stupid to tell if she was bluffing or not. But she had her history and reputation on her side. And Colt was too afraid to handle her by himself, he was a coward.

**Principal**

Do we have a problem here, Miss Kelly?

As the Principal of the school, also known as the thorn in her side, stepped up to intrude between them, Alex didn't take her eyes away from Colt. She didn't back down, it wasn't her nature. That's what she had been saying to herself moments ago, and that's what she was sticking with.

**Alex**

I don't know. Do we have a problem here, _Colton_?

She drawled, giving the football jock a withering look. After a second, he shook his head timidly before bending down and picking up the scattered books. Muttering a sorry, he shoved them back into Casey's arms, then scurried off toward the doors of the school. Alex smirked a little, before turning to look at the Principal who was still glaring at her. She smiled at him smugly, before gesturing Casey to follow her by tipping her head toward her jeep. Then she turned, went back to pick up her bag, and then walked toward school with the friend she had just protected, not giving the Principal a second glance, knowing it would drive him crazy.

**Casey**

Oh my god, Alex that was so cool. I could never do anything like that. You're so brave.

Casey gushed excitedly; thanking the stars that Alex had been around to save her from further embarrassment. She wasn't sure what the mysterious, beautiful and rebellious blonde saw in her and their other two friends, but she was thankful for it. Life had become more bearable since she had started here. She was like their protector.

**Alex**

No, I'm not. And yes you could. You just gotta stand up to those dicks. They only pick on you because they're jealous of you.

Alex insisted as they walked into the hall, weaving in and out of the students that were busily making their way to various places. She looked at Casey as the girl scoffed, shaking her head in disagreement with her statement.

**Casey**

Jealous? Of what? We're just nerds. We're not cool, or stylish or beautiful.

They stopped as Alex unlocked and opened her locker, taking some books out of her bag and shoving them in, then taking another one out to put in her bag. Then, she put her hands on Casey's shoulders, looking her in the eye so she had no choice but to listen to her properly.

**Alex**

Listen to me, none of that matters. Okay? What they think of you doesn't matter. You are cool, and stylish and beautiful. Just because it's not how they think you should be, doesn't mean it doesn't count. Don't you get that? They're jealous because they're too scared to be different, you aren't. They're just sheep, all of them. You don't want to be like that, trust me.

She lectured sincerely. She desperately wished her friend would accept that that was enough. That she didn't need to conform to other people's ideas.

**Casey**

No, I don't want to be like them. I want to be like you.

Blinking in shock, Alex stood up straight and let her hands slip off Casey's shoulders. She wanted to be like her? Why? That scared Alex. Casey was so innocent and sweet. Pure even. It pained Alex to think that she wanted to give that up to be like her. But then, she hadn't told her friends everything about herself. She sheltered them from the darkness in her, from the destructive force inside of her. They weren't exempt from her efforts to keep people from knowing her properly. She kept them at an arms length too. And right now, it was striking a guilty note. But what was the better of two evils? Telling them the whole truth and perhaps loosing her friends? Or letting ignorance be bliss, and have them idolise her? She didn't know. Instead she turned back to her locker, not being able to respond as she fished into her bag.

Finding the picture she had momentarily forgot about, she pulled it out and smiled lightly again as she looked at it. Lifting it up, she wedged it into the corner of her locker, scoffing and shaking her head at herself.

**Alex**

Yeah, real badass Alex.

She had never done something as corny as this, but it actually felt kinda nice. She liked the thought of seeing the picture there every time she opened her locker. It made her feel good. She wasn't going to deprive herself of that.

**Casey**

What?

Alex looked up out of her happy daze, and smiled at her friend before shutting the locker, and herding her back into the stream of students.

**Alex**

Nothing, let's find Joel and Rex before class.

**Lunchtime – Newport**

Marissa walked out into the busy school quad, rummaging in her purse for her phone. She had been dying for her last class to get out for lunch so she could do what she had wanting to do all morning. Call Alex.

There were excited butterflies fluttering in her stomach as she managed to find her phone, and it made her smile. Sure not everything was perfect, but at least something had fallen into place. At least she had finally sorted things out with the girl she had regretted letting go. She doubted many people got to do that. Win back the one that got away. Well, perhaps the word wasn't 'win'. But even so, somehow things had righted themselves.

**Alex**

Hello?

Marissa smirked playfully as she slipped into a chair of an empty table before anyone could snag it. There was a girl a few feet away, glaring at her for her efforts, but she didn't much care right now. Alex was her girlfriend, her Mom was being cool and supportive about it and she had sorted things out with Ryan. No one was going to break her good mood today. Not even the exhaustion she was suffering from the weekend.

**Marissa**

Is that my sexy as hell girlfriend?

**Alex**

No, this is Alex Kelly's phone. Do you have the right number?

Marissa chuckled, both happy and relieved to hear the blonde's voice. It affirmed that what happened was real, and not some hazy hallucination, and also just made her feel lighter. It was odd, what the presence of someone in your life did to you. Every time she thought about the strikingly beautiful blonde, Marissa felt tingling inside of her. She felt engulfed in something so much bigger than herself. And in those moments, she was perfectly content. That's what Alex gave her, and that was just thoughts. She had that much of an affect.

**Marissa**

Shut up, you know you're sexy!

The brunette retorted, practically seeing the big assed smirk on Alex's lips. Alex knew damn well how beautiful and sexy she was, even if she didn't flaunt it in people's faces. She was confident enough to do what she wanted, and feel good about herself, but not so over confident that she alienated people. Actually, Marissa took it back. She was sure that Alex didn't quite grasp just how captivating she was, but that was also part of her charm. It made her even more attractive.

**Alex**

Yeah okay, maybe a little bit. So, how do you feel today? Any better?

**Marissa**

A little better. I'm sorry I missed your call last night, I didn't realise I had fallen asleep until I woke up to throw up again. But it was too late to call you, as my Mom pointed out.

**Alex**

That's okay, I'm glad you got some rest. Has the sickness stopped now?

**Marissa**

Yeah, thankfully. But can we not talk about throwing up? I did _far _too much of that in front of you. God, what a way to win a girl over!

Marissa snorted, half playfully and half seriously. She propped her head up on her hand, feeling herself flush a little. Thinking about it, she really did feel embarrassed. She hated people seeing her when she was sick, never mind drugged up and sick. The girl she had wanted back in her life had seen her in one of the most vulnerable and unflattering states of her life. Not exactly the worlds biggest turn on. It wasn't usually part of her seduction style, anyhow.

**Alex**

Yeah well, I've seen worse. I still think you're hot!

Alex teased, making Marissa laugh again. The blonde didn't want Marissa to feel bad about the weekend. She wanted her to know that she didn't care about the state she had seen her in. Everyone made mistakes, and everyone got a little vulnerable sometimes. So what?

**Marissa**

Aww thanks baby, that's so romantic! I'm so lucky.

Marissa drawled, failing miserably on pretending to sound anything else other than happy. Hearing Alex's voice made the aches and pains of the weekend disappear, like nothing had happened.

**Alex**

And don't you forget it! So, what're you doing?

**Marissa**

Nothing really. Just waiting for Summer, Ryan and Seth to show up for lunch. Summer insisted she brought mine, I think she thinks I'm incapable.

Marissa mused, thinking about how Summer had doted over her all morning. Like an overprotective lion guarding her cub. She had shouted at people in the halls for getting too close to Marissa, fretful that they would bang into her. Carried water in her bag that she kept whipping out when she thought the brunette was looking a little dehydrated. Answering questions for her in class. Basically, Marissa was being protected, pampered and looked after at all times. Her talk with Ryan this morning, and now, had been the only times Summer had let her be alone. It was psychotic in a way, but oddly comforting.

**Alex**

Ryan. Huh.

Snapping out of her daze of thinking about Summer, Marissa caught the curt tone in Alex's voice. Even though she had only spoken two words, Marissa knew the blonde was pissed off, and possibly offended. Even just over the phone, she knew that Alex had just withdrawn at the mention of Ryan, becoming hostile and defensive. She guessed she couldn't blame her in a way. She was so insecure when it came to him. After all, he had been one of the biggest roots of their problems the first time around. She knew Alex was scared of the danger Ryan posed to her. And knew it irritated her that he would be here, and she would be two hours away in another city. But Marissa also wished that Alex would give her a little credit, and perhaps a little more trust. After all the things she had said over the weekend, didn't she know that Ryan was just not it for her?

**Marissa**

Alex, please don't be like that, okay? He's my friend; I can't just cut him out of my life. I don't want to be with him, I want to be with _you_. I love _you_. And that's exactly what I told him this morning.

Marissa stated, firmly but also softly. She didn't want to sound argumentative. She didn't want to cause a fight, or for this to become a problem. She decided that being clear with both Alex and Ryan was the best course of action. Telling Ryan that she loved him and wanted to be his friend, but in no way wanted anything else, and making sure that Alex understood that too needed to be done straight away. Especially when it concerned Alex. Marissa needed her to know that she wasn't willing to lose Ryan as a friend, but that's all he was. And her love was for her only; there was no chance of what happened last time happening again.

**Alex**

You told him about us?

Alex replied after a second, her tone a little squeakier than usual, as though she was slightly surprised. She supposed that she was a little bit. Those doubts in her mind had caused so much confusion with her feelings. She guessed she hadn't expected it to happen so quickly. It only really hit her properly now that this was real. That Marissa was really serious about this. She had really put things to rest with Ryan, and hearing it made an oppressive weight lift from her shoulders.

**Marissa**

Of course I did. Listen to me, I want this to work. I want a future with you. Just you. I made the mistake of letting you go once; I'm not willing to let that happen again. But you need to trust me, okay? You need to believe that I don't love Ryan, and there is nothing going on between us. He's really happy for us, and he wants it to work out. He's being really supportive. And I'm not willing to lose him as a friend, we mean a lot to one another. Do you get that?

Surprising herself by her little speech, Marissa wondered when exactly she had grown up and gotten a backbone. This was her standing up for herself, her relationship and her friendship. She wasn't leaving anything to chance, she wasn't letting her problems and fears just dwell on. She was fighting for what she wanted. And it felt good. To really take charge of herself, of the situation she was in. She wasn't letting anyone battle for her. She was coming to her own rescue, and being an adult about it.

**Alex**

Yeah, I get that. I don't expect you to cut him out of your life, I trust you.

**Marissa**

Thank you. So moving on about things that are Ryan, I have some good news. I don't have any classes on Monday or Tuesday, which means I can stay in L.A longer. If you want me to.

**Alex**

Are you kidding? Of course I want you to, that's great. I only have morning classes on Friday, so I'll be there to pick you up when school finishes. Kinda like old times!

Alex smiled, thinking back to when she used to give Marissa a ride too or from school. She remembered how good it felt to be there for her. Remembered how people used to look over at them, and be jealous that she was the one that Marissa was with. It gave her a high, even though deep down she had known it wasn't real. But it was real now. Again, bringing her back to wondering how she was going to overcome her fear of opening up, and loosing Marissa if she did.

**Alex**

But listen, there's still a lot of things we have to talk about. Things we need to rebuild between us. Its not all gunna be easy. And…and there are things I need to tell you. Things that are hard, and I don't know how you'll react.

Deciding to bite the bullet and lay the groundwork, and also taking a cue to be forthright from her girlfriend, Alex reminded them both that there was still work to be done between them. Also it gave her less of an opportunity to back out when it came to being honest with Marissa when the time came. Alex knew she wasn't a dishonest person. She wouldn't flat out lie to Marissa. She knew the distinction between lying, and being very guarded. She had never really lied to anyone about herself, or her past. She had just protected what was too hard for her to say.

**Marissa**

I know. We'll get through that Alex. And whatever you have to tell me, I'll be here to listen to you. I'm not going anywhere, you can tell me anything.

Dropping into a sincere, lower tone, Marissa began to wonder exactly what Alex carried around on her shoulders all the time. She was so mysterious and guarded; it was actually one of the things that made her so compelling. But what she tended not to let people see, was how wounded she was. Marissa herself had only seen it a few, brief, times. She knew that it was something Alex worried about. Battled with even, to share. That's just who she was. A private girl. But it didn't scare her. Marissa knew that she and Alex were very similar. Intense, deep, raw and slightly broken, but so very determined. It's why they connected so deeply, why they had been drawn together in the first place.

Looking up to see her three friends appear, all carrying a trey each, Marissa waved casually to gain their attention. She smiled faintly as they started heading her way, not being able to think that this was pretty bad timing. Could they not have appeared when the conversation wasn't as serious as now? She frowned as she heard muffled sounds on the end of the phone, and voices that she couldn't really make out properly.

**Alex**

Marissa I'm sorry, I'll have to call you back later. Apparently my Principal thinks I've done something to warrant being questioned in his office. Again. The guy _really _has it in for me.

Alex explain, obviously furious and gritting her teeth. Marissa could tell that having to restrain herself was taking a lot of effort. Alex was such a no nonsense, combative and unrelenting person. Having to swallow that so she didn't get into any more trouble at school would have been hard for her. Especially when she knew she didn't do anything wrong in the first place.

**Marissa**

Its okay, go deal with it. Remember, don't kick his ass!

Marissa smirked, her voice teasing. The opportunity was far too good to pass up. She felt for her girlfriend, but the thought of her being a sweet student when she held nothing but contempt for it was pretty funny.

**Alex**

God, in my dreams. I love you.

**Marissa**

I love you too. Bye.

Marissa hung up the phone, flipping it shut as her friends arrived at the table. She looked up at them, smiling warmly as they put their treys down and sat down. Summer, of course, sat next to her and proceeded to put Marissa's lunch in front of her. The boys watched curiously, both with raised eyebrows, wondering what was going on. Summer ignored them, unscrewing Marissa's juice and unwrapping the sandwich she had brought for her.

**Summer**

Orange juice with a chicken mayo salad sandwich and I wasn't sure what to get you with it so I brought you a banana and a cookie. Maybe you should eat the banana and save the cookie for when you need a sugar top up?

After organising Marissa's lunch, Summer put her own on the table and disregarded the trey, plopping it onto the floor next to her. She still didn't notice the look the guys were giving her, as though she had two heads. However, she did notice the small glimmer of a smirk Marissa was sending her, with an appreciative look that spoke volumes. Sure, Summer could be very scary when she wanted to be, but she was an awesome friend. She would do anything to look after her best friend, and Marissa knew that. She also loved Summer to no end for it.

**Seth**

'Kay, you've been weird all day. All you've talked about is Marissa. You nearly made a guy _wet his pants_ in the hall for getting too close to her, and now this? What's going on?

Seth demanded, now officially suspicious. Sure, his girlfriend was always protective. She was always a little bit insane, and she had always been protective over everyone, especially Marissa. When it came to the two of them, Seth knew the little force of nature would throw down with anyone to defend the lanky brunette. But this was something else. Summer had been Mothering Marissa all day. To the point where Marissa hadn't done one thing for herself. He knew Ryan sensed it too, even though he hadn't said anything.

The two boys watched as the girls looked between themselves, both slightly panicked at the question. Marissa cleared her throat, looking down and rubbing the back of her neck slowly. Obviously there was something big going on, something that they were hiding from them. Seth narrowed his eyes at them, the cogs in his head turning at express speed. He was sure something had happened over the weekend. Things had changed so much over the two days, but there was definitely more to it. Something involving Marissa. Maybe the something that had made her look so pale and exhausted. Another bender perhaps?

**Summer**

Cohen, stop trying to imitate Veronica Mars, okay? It's not flattering. There's nothing going on, Coop's just tired she's been through a lot recently. Have a little respect will you? God!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

**Wednesday evening**

**Dr Phillips**

Alex? Do you have a spare minute?

Alex looked up from the paperwork she was filling in at the nurse's station, half listening to the nurse's talk whilst the rest of her concentrated on her job. Her shift at the hospital was going impossibly slow, and it felt like an eternity ago that she had started at 4:30pm. Frankly, she hoped that Dr Phillips had something for her to do, because she was bored out of her mind.

**Alex**

Yeah.

The tall, redheaded Doctor smiled as Alex followed her down the quiet hallway. She had always liked Dr Phillips, where many people didn't. Or at least, didn't know how to take her. She was an amazing Dr, professional, compassionate and inventive. But she was also quite private, and could sometimes come off as cold and bitchy. She wasn't scared to dress people down for not doing their job properly, so she sometimes ruffled some feathers. But mostly, people tended to respect her. If you weren't intimidated by her, she was a great person to talk to. At least she was honest, unlike some people around here.

**Dr Phillips**

We've admitted a regular of ours; I thought you might like to help him get settled since I know you like each other so much.

Dr Phillips smiled at Alex's curious look as she pointed at one of the rooms. Looking through the window, Alex saw a family that she knew quite well. They were indeed regulars to the hospital. Their son, Bailey, was only a year older than she was. He was a sweet kid that had been given a rough ride. Born with learning and physical disabilities, his internal organs giving him no end of problems, forcing him to be in and out of surgery. But he was like a little ball of sunshine. Always upbeat and positive, always trying to make people laugh. He didn't let anything get him down. And he was always watching out for his little sister, Lucy. He adored the 10 year old to no end, and she adored him too, and loved to help him do things.

**Alex**

What's he in for?

Alex wondered, her stomach dipping a little as she watched Bailey laugh with his sister who was sat on the bed with him, reading a book. Their parents stood near by, watching them lovingly, trying not show their concern. Their children may not have noticed it, but Alex and Dr Phillips did.

**Dr Phillips**

His lungs are failing. We've done everything we can; a transplant is the only way to go. There's a prospective donor in San Francisco. We'll know more tomorrow whether it can go ahead. So for now, we're making him comfortable, treating the pain…the usual. Also, we're treating the burns to his hands. He scolded himself at his day centre. He'll need to be fed until the bandages come off.

Dr Phillips passed Bailey's chart over to Alex, watching her patient carefully as Alex flipped through it as she listened to her carefully. The older woman knew the teenager could understand what was in the chart; she was an exceptionally bright girl. And a trust worthy one too. Dr Phillips had no doubts that the girl was going to make a great Doctor, she had what it took. She also knew that when it came to Bailey Dale, Alex would want to know everything, even if it was bad news. They had bonded quickly, and Bailey obviously loved Alex to pieces. The blonde had a serious soft spot for the kid.

As Alex was about to reply, she was interrupted by the door opening abruptly. Before she could move, she was pushed backward as Bailey's sister Lucy rammed into her. She watched, shocked, as Lucy took a step back, looking up at her with the same shock. Obviously she hadn't expected to run into someone. But as Lucy realised who it was, she flung herself at Alex again, this time wrapping her arms around the blonde teenager. Without thinking, Alex just held onto the sobbing girl.

**Alex**

It's okay Lucy, c'mere…

As Mr and Mrs Dale appeared at the door, worried about their daughter, Dr Phillips indicated for them to stop as Alex walked Lucy over to the seats at the other side of the hallway. The parents gave the Doctor a curious look, but she didn't say anything as they watched Alex kneel in front of the sobbing 10 year old.

**Lucy**

I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I couldn't let him see me cry.

Lucy rambled, wiping her eyes furiously as she tried to make her tears stop. They didn't. She hung her head, not wanting to see if anyone was mad at her.

**Alex**

Hey, it's okay.

**Lucy**

No it's not. I hafta be brave. Everyone else is but me. I'm too scared to be brave.

She shouted, looking up at Alex angrily. Alex pulled a tissue out of her pocket, and handed it to the brown haired girl, her heart breaking for her. She was just a kid. She was so young to have to understand what was happening to her brother. She should have been doing things kids did, but she was here instead, watching her sibling go through hell.

**Alex**

Listen to me Lucy; it's okay to be scared. We all get scared sometimes, it's natural. You're scared for your brother, everyone understands that.

**Lucy**

Is he gunna die?

Alex sighed, looking down for a moment before looking up at the girl with a sympathetic look. She knew what she was going through. She could understand the questions and fears shooting through her head right now. But she felt sorry for her, because she was so much younger than she had been.

**Alex**

No one can answer that Lucy. But you know that these are the best Doctors, and your brother is a fighter. Okay? He's strong.

**Lucy**

That's not good enough!

**Alex**

I know it isn't. I know you're confused and scared, I know you feel useless right now too. So did I, when my sister was sick. But honey you're not useless, you're here for Bailey, even though you're scared. And that's what being brave really means. It doesn't mean that you're not allowed to cry, or be afraid.

Lucy's sobs became a sniffle as she listened to Alex intently, searching her eyes for sincerity. She found it. And as Alex spoke, she found herself calming down as she began to understand what she was saying.

**Lucy**

Were you afraid, when your sister was sick?

Alex nodded, pushing down the string of raw emotions that forced their way into her stomach, making her feel sick. This wasn't about her and her unresolved feelings about her older sister. She didn't talk much about it either, but she knew Lucy would value the honesty.

**Alex**

Yeah, I was terrified. I cried a lot too.

**Lucy**

Did…is she okay now?

**Alex**

No, she erm…she died. But she was a lot sicker than Bailey, okay? It was entirely different. Your brother isn't the same as my sister. You get that?

**Lucy**

Yeah, I get it.

Lucy nodded, looking up as her Father stepped up behind Alex. She smiled faintly, standing up as he held out his arms. Alex stood up, moving to the side so that Lucy could go to her Father.

**Mr Dale**

Come on Sweetie; let's go get a drink, huh?

Lucy nodded quietly, holding her Dad's hand and turning to walk down the hall with him. Her Mother followed, knowing that their daughter needed a break for a little while. But they stopped, as Lucy turned around.

**Lucy**

Alex?

Alex, who had moved over to rejoin Dr Phillips, turned to look at the little girl, as she was about to go into Bailey's room.

**Lucy**

I'm sorry, about your sister.

Alex looked at the little girl in front of her, almost frozen as she thought about how similar Lucy and herself were. Only, she had to give credit to the kid, she was handling her brother's condition a lot better than she had done.

**Alex**

Thank you.

Lucy and her parents turned to continue down the hall, leaving Alex to watch after them for a moment. Then, clearing her throat and blinking the memories back, she turned around again and looked at Dr Phillips. The redhead smiled at her as she put a hand on her shoulder, giving her an understanding look. After all, she had been there.

**Alex**

I heard there was a hansom guy in here, you seen him?

Leaving what just happened at the door; Alex walked into the hospital room and grinned mischievously at Bailey, who was currently occupying himself by looking around the plain white room. Looking toward the door, his face lit up like a Christmas tree as he saw the blonde.

**Bailey**

That's me, silly!

He replied happily, his words a little slurred like usual. He held up his arms as best he could, and smiled as Alex leaned in and gave him a hug.

**Alex**

You're damn right it is. I had to fight the rest of the staff off to get in here you know? Mr Heartbreaker!

Dr Phillips laughed from the bottom of the bed, shaking her head a little as she concentrated on filling a few things in on Bailey's chart. She had always liked Alex's attitude toward Bailey, and the rest of the patients in general. Some people could be off put by people with learning or physical disabilities. Didn't understand them, didn't appreciate their loving nature. Alex didn't let it affect her in anyway, especially when it came to Bailey. She never treated him like a baby, which is why she liked Alex to be around for him.

**Bailey**

You know…you're the only girl for me!

Bailey insisted, struggling to get around his words but getting there. Alex smiled, chuckling as he looked at her affectionately. It didn't matter what she, or anyone was doing, Bailey always managed to make people smile. Well, most people. The narrow minded ones not so much, but he was better off away from them anyway. People like Ritchie, who looked down on him, treated him like a freak. Something Alex wanted to happily hit him for.

**Alex**

Aww, you always know how to make a girl feel special.

**Dr Phillips**

Maybe you could give a few tips to some of the guys around here Bailey? I'll be by in a little while, okay?

Dr Phillips looked up from the chart as she closed it, popping it back into the holder at the bottom of his bed. She smiled as Bailey smiled at her, lifting his bandaged arm up to try and salute and nod. He watched her leave the room, turning back up the hall and vanishing.

**Bailey**

Is Lucy okay?

**Alex**

Yeah, she's fine. She's just worried about you is all. Your parents took her to get a drink. So how about you and I see what we can do about having your dinner? You hungry?

Alex pulled the rolling table with Bailey's dinner trey on it closer, lifting up the lid and taking the knife and fork to cut the food up. She stabbed a piece of meat with the fork and after making sure it wasn't too hot, offered it to Bailey, who took it with no protest. The rest of her shift was spent with him, as she chatted easily with him as he ate his dinner, making him laugh before his parents and sister came back. After that, she made sure he was properly settled, reluctant to leave as her shift came to an end.

**15 minutes later**

Now changed out of her uniform, Alex strutted into the staff car park of the hospital. She had been debating whether to accept the invitation Jaden had given her earlier, to one of their friends' party. In the end, she had decided she could use the chance to blow off a little steam after her emotional talk with Lucy. After saying goodnight to Bailey and his family, it hadn't taken her long to change. She had slipped into a short, black skirt with fishnet tights and her sneakers, along with a black shirt. She'd pulled back half of her hair to tie up, leaving the rest of it down. Even though it had only taken her 10 minutes to get ready, she still looked great.

Now, as she walked along blindly, shoving things aside in her bag as she tried to find her car keys, she didn't notice the girl that was leaning against her jeep. Instead, she was frowning and cursing at herself quietly as she continued the hunt for her keys. She still didn't look up as her phone rang, and she slipped it out of the little pocket in her skirt.

**Alex**

Hey, yeah I'm coming. I'll be there in like, 30 minutes.

**Carly**

Alex.

Alex looked up as she stopped dead in her tracks. She had forgotten all about Carly and her little quest to win her over today. What with being busy at school, texting Marissa all day, and then her shift at work, she really hadn't had chance to factor Carly into her thoughts.

**Alex**

Shit…nothing, I'll see you soon.

Alex sighed, snapping her phone shut and marching forward as she finally grabbed hold of her keys. Walking straight past Carly without giving her so much as a glance, she threw her bag into the back of her jeep and then whirled around.

**Alex**

I'm not doing this with you.

She insisted, opening her door as she glared at the older girl. As she was about to get into the jeep, she looked over Carly's shoulder and once again, sighed and rolled her eyes as she saw Ritchie heading her way. Clenching her jaw and looking off to the side, she shook her head, angry more so at herself than anyone else.

**Alex**

I'm not doing this with either of you. It's done. I'm done.

Alex clarified, seeing Carly about to protest and Ritchie about to open his mouth. Carly frowned, and then turned around to see Ritchie stood behind her.

**Carly**

What the hell do you want?

**Ritchie**

Not your business bitch.

Alex watched, momentarily frozen as the pair in front of her began arguing aggressively. She wondered how she had let this happen. Wondered how she had let things get so far with Ritchie and Carly. She also wondered why they still even tried with her, when she had made it abundantly clear that she didn't want anything to do with them. All she had ever done was treat them like shit. She had never given a second thought to them outside of when she was doing them, and she had never really cared about their feelings. Yet they were still here, hating each other and arguing over her. How the hell did she explain it to Marissa when she got here?

**Alex**

Stop it! Back off, both of you.

Alex shouted, gaining their attention so that they both turned to look at her, slightly startled. She sighed, running a hand through her hair.

**Alex**

Jesus christ, don't you get it? I've been using you. Both of you. I've had enough. I don't want you, so leave me the fuck alone.

After that, the beautiful blonde got into her jeep and started it up quickly. As usual, her music thundered out of the stereo and she didn't give them a second glance as she peeled out quickly. She just hoped that they listened to her. Ritchie would be a dick at work and try to goad her into arguments, but she could handle that. It wasn't really any different from what he did normally. But Carly? Alex wasn't so sure she would give up. She had that obstinate, determined look in her dark eyes. That possessive look. It scared her, because she had been with someone like that before. Jodie. And if Carly was anything like her, she would try and mess things up with her relationship with Marissa.

**Newport - Thursday night**

**Julie**

Honey? Can I talk to you for a moment?

Marissa stopped in her tracks, momentarily forgetting her craving for cereal, as her Mother asked the question that most children feared or loathed. Usually, because children knew that something uncomfortable, bad or downright scary was going to follow that question. Parents tried to cover it up, slapping a smile on it, trying not to sound ominous, it never worked.

**Marissa**

Sure, okay.

Taking in a deep breath, Marissa padded forward in her bed socks, taking the seat opposite Julie. She fidgeted in her seat, playing with the sleeves of a sweater she was wearing to bed that she had actually stolen from Alex when they had first dated and never gave it back. God she hoped this wasn't going to turn into anything embarrassing. A bird and the bees talk or something. Of course, it was somewhat late for that talk. Everyone knew that. But, her Mother was Julie Cooper so literally anything could happen.

**Julie**

Have you spoken to your sister recently?

Marissa perked up, looking over at Julie as she mentioned Kaitlin.

**Marissa**

We've sent each other a couple of texts. Why, what's wrong? Is she okay?

Automatically, Marissa's thoughts took the not so giant step to concluding that something had to be wrong with her baby sister. After all, she was a Cooper and well, things didn't always turn out with the best of luck when it came to this family. It wasn't until Kaitlin had come back to visit them, that the elder of the girls became aware of just how much she missed her sister. And how she regretted not being there for her. Marissa had been so wrapped up in her own life, and Kaitlin had been sent away so young, that she often forgot to include her in anything. Hence Kaitlin being utterly confused on her arrival back to Newport. Even through the confusion over Johnny's death, and the pain of the weekend, Marissa had been left with a determination to change things between them. How she was going to do it, she wasn't so sure of. But she was resolved to doing so.

**Julie**

Yes, Sweetheart she's fine. I was just wandering if you had talked to her is all. About…well everything. Particularly Alex.

Raising a questioning and intrigued eyebrow, the brunette shook her head slowly.

**Marissa**

I haven't told her anything about Alex. I think I'd rather do that in person.

**Julie**

I think that's the kind of thing Kaitlin would like to know. Don't you?

**Marissa**

Maybe. But I don't even know what to tell her. I haven't even worked out what's going on with me yet. I was hoping that I would find that answer this weekend. Alex has been through this before; she could help me figure it out.

Julie nodded just as slowly, thinking about what her daughter had just said. She knew it was important to Marissa to understand herself better. To get an insight of herself so that she could maybe level out a little. Julie just hoped that she was going about it the right way. She had seen how horrible Marissa had felt for cutting Kaitlin out of the changes in her life. And she also saw the pain in her daughter when it came to her feelings about Jimmy. Marissa refused to admit it, but she was hurting.

**Julie**

It's your choice Marissa, but I don't think Kaitlin would care about any of that. She just wants to be your sister, let her be there for you. And…while we're on the subject, please call your Father?

**Marissa**

Goodnight Mom.

Julie sighed, watching her temperamental girl stand up and walk off toward her room again. This was crazy. Marissa had always adored her Dad. Ever since she was a little girl, Jimmy had been the centre of her world. And now? Something inside of Marissa had broken, and Jimmy had been the one to make it snap.

**Julie**

Well, who would have thought Jimmy would end up the bad one and I'd end up the good one?


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**Friday morning**

Marissa could not keep still. If she wasn't looking at her watch, she was looking at the clock on the wall. Every seat she sat on seemed uncomfortable, and every conversation seemed like an effort. Her mind simply refused to do anything, other than think about Alex.

Sheepishly, Marissa looked at her best friend apologetically as Summer nudged her for the third time in forty minutes. They, of course, were paired together for biology, and had been for the past year. It wasn't Summer's strongest subject, by far, which is why she had been put with Marissa, who was surprisingly gifted when it came to science. Right now though, Marissa was pretty sure her best friend was regretting it ever happened. She knew she was driving Summer crazy with all her wriggling, huffing and clock watching.

**Marissa**

Sorry.

Clearing her throat, Marissa resolved herself to concentrating on her class. After all, she was a perspective Berkeley student, she needed to start paying more attention and getting back into her studies if she had any hope of getting in, and hacking the programme. So that's what she did.

For two minutes. Outwardly, Marissa seemed to be paying attention. Staring straight ahead, thinking about the problem Mr Simon was writing on the board and talking about, in that awful, dreary tone of his. However, her subconscious was still anxiously thinking about Alex, and the approaching weekend. Again, she began to move. This time, she aimlessly began tapping her pencil onto her writing pad.

This time, Summer didn't nudge her. Instead, severely irritated by Marissa's tapping, she slapped her hand on top of the taller brunette's, causing a loud bang to shatter the sleepiness of the science room. Marissa herself jumped, as some of the other students looked around to see what the disturbance was.

**Mr Simon**

Is there a problem over there girls?

Switching from glaring at Marissa, to smiling sweetly at their teacher, Summer shook her head and sat up properly.

**Summer**

No Mr Simon, we're sorry.

Glancing between the two teenagers, the aging teacher muttered something and then went back to droning on from the textbook he was holding. Summer, like a psychotic little bird, Summer swung back to look at Marissa.

**Summer**

Will you calm down? God, you get any more wound up you're gunna explode. And eww, I don't want Coop gunk in my hair! You only have to make it to the end of class.

Summer chastised, whispering harshly as she flailed aggressively. Day by day this week, Marissa had been getting more and more excited. She guessed she couldn't blame her; being apart from your honey must have been hard. Especially after what had happened last weekend. If she and Seth were separated like that, she guessed she would be acting somewhat similar. But still, it was annoying as hell. Especially today.

**Marissa**

That is harder than it sounds, trust me. Am I pathetic?

Summer smiled, suddenly feeling very sympathetic toward the girl she considered her sister. Lifting a hand, she sighed softly as she stroked through Marissa's hair briefly as she looked at her like a little puppy dog.

**Summer**

Oh honey…yeah, a little bit!

Marissa chuckled, shoving her friend gently. She could always count on Summer to lighten her load and feel better. Or, as it was today, make time fly.

**Afternoon**

**Alex**

Touch my jeep and I'll break your hand.

She didn't look at the smug, technically hansom teenage boy as he approached the side of her jeep. She could already tell that he was some kind of sports jock, water polo, football, basketball, it didn't really matter. He looked like a carbon copy of most of the other guys around here. Tall, tanned, athletic, glossy hair that he probably fussed over more than she did her own. It was sickening really. And she could also tell he had that superior air about him. The one that most kids around here walked around with. Like they just knew they were better than everyone, because they were rich and beautiful.

Alex guessed that's why she had been drawn to Seth. He wasn't your typical card board cut out jock. Sure, he came from a wealthy family that had a house that could harbour a small army, but he didn't walk around holding it over anyone. He was just this geeky, skinny little waif of a guy that had a sweetness running through him that Alex had previously never seen in a guy before. He didn't pretend to be anything else, and he didn't expect to be worshiped. Unlike Mr Jock standing by the jeep, hesitating as he was trying to decide whether she would make good on her threat or not.

**Jock**

Hey, if you're new to town I'd be happy to give you a tour.

**Alex**

I don't think so.

**Jock**

Then how about hooking up sometime?

Alex sighed, beginning to get irritated. Turning her gaze away from the main entrance doors to Harbour High, she looked at the jock trying to hit on her. She really didn't feel inclined to play games today. All she wanted to do was wait for Marissa to get out of school so they could start their weekend. But of course, Mr I'm-Entitled-To-Everything here had other plans.

**Alex**

Sorry, I don't hook up with losers. Get lost.

Sending the guy an icy glare, she watched as he scoffed, moving away from the jeep. Normally she would have felt pretty good with the dismissal she gave him, but she was just too anxious right now. Sighing again, and running a hand through her blonde hair, Alex decided to get out of the jeep. She refused to lose her calm, collected exterior. Walking around to the front of the jeep, she heard the distant sound of a bell ring through the school, and then leaned on the hood of the car. The butterflies were still fluttering, but she felt a little better now.

The morning had been a complete blur for Alex. She had turned in for school, so technically she had been present. What had happened in her two morning classes however, she had no idea. She was pretty sure that her friends had had to lead her through the morning. Which made her feel pretty bad for blowing them off when they had asked her if she wanted to grab a milkshake. Instead she had hightailed it to her jeep, and hit the road to Newport. They would understand. When she eventually explained to them what was going on, they would be happy for her. She didn't know why she hadn't told them about Marissa yet. Or her other friends for that matter, like Jaden or Tessa. She had told no one. She guessed it came down to her privacy issues. That and she wanted to keep Marissa her own for just a little bit longer.

Looking up at the doors again, after dropping her gaze in her little reverie, Alex's eyes locked on to the object of her thoughts. Her breath caught a little, as she watched Marissa practically bounce out of school. She was so captivatingly beautiful. And not in that cardboard Newport way. Marissa was different. She didn't have that superior air, or that way too arrogant way about her. She never had. In fact, she usually looked at somewhat of a loss when people looked at her, or hit on her. She never realised the affect she could have on people. And her eyes…they were filled with something that most of the Newport residents could never hope to understand. And that's what had drawn Alex to her the second she had laid eyes on her.

Alex wasn't sure how long she had been engulfed in her thoughts again, but when she blinked, Marissa wasn't at the school entrance anymore. She was actually almost at the jeep. Alex couldn't help but smile as she watched the brunette almost run toward her, ignoring the havoc she was causing by cutting other students and cars off in her effort to get to her waiting girlfriend. Alex stood up straight, taking off her sunglasses and placing them on the hood of her jeep. It was only a couple of seconds later that Marissa rushes her, happy wrapping her arms around her neck and pulling her in for a hungry kiss.

Alex was slightly surprised at Marissa's forwardness in public, but she certainly didn't miss a beat. She accepted the kiss, sliding one hand to the back of Marissa's next and the other one on her side. She smiled as Marissa pushed into her, making her lean once again on the front of the jeep as their tongues duelled for dominance. And for the duration that Marissa kissed her, Alex felt like there was no one here but them. Nothing else seemed to exist, apart from Marissa, herself and their kiss. Every single doubt she had been feeling for the past week just evaporated, because the way her girlfriend was kissing her now spoke volumes.

**Alex**

Riss, half your school is watching.

Alex whispered, slightly out of breath but still smiling. They had pulled apart due to lack of air, but only enough so that they were centimetres apart. The brunette leaned her forehead on Alex's, her fingers stroking through the side of her hair.

**Marissa**

Like I give a damn.

Once again, Marissa leaned in to kiss her girlfriend. This time, it was a little slower, but still deep and meaningful. She couldn't care less if the entire world was watching them. She was over it. All that mattered is that right now, Alex was here and Marissa didn't plan on wasting that time. Her Mother supported her, and her friends supported her. After she had finally felt some things move into place inside of her, she had realised that she wanted to move on. She didn't care what people thought. It was her life, and she would damn well love who she wanted to. That was Alex, so if they wanted to watch, she didn't care.

Eventually however, they knew they had to stop. For starters if they kept on kissing like that, something was bound to happen that shouldn't happen in public. Also, Marissa remembered that she had her friends in tow with her when she had been weaving in and out of the school halls in her effort to meet Alex in the car park at the front. Also, she knew both of them wanted to get out of here and start their weekend. So, albeit reluctantly, they pulled apart. But not ready to completely relinquish contact with Alex, she took the blonde's hand and held onto it tightly, smiling at Alex encouragingly.

**Seth**

Okay now _that _was awesome!

Seth commented happily, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet. He winced a little, receiving a hefty smack on the arm from Summer. He supposed he deserved it for being lecherous, but hey, he was a guy. It wasn't like there wasn't a boat load of other spectators enjoying the show just now. And of course, Alex was his former girlfriend. He knew the power of her kiss. And well…everything else she had to offer. He just couldn't help it. Although mainly, his comment had served to set up a more friendly atmosphere, rather than an awkward one.

**Alex**

Same old Seth.

Alex laughed, shaking her head a little bit. He had that same glint in his eyes when he had gone to her apartment one rainy evening to ask for his job back, and found a half covered Marissa. Now that had been funny. But despite his obsession with the girl on girl type action, Alex had always known he meant to harm. She had missed him actually, him and his offbeat sense of…well, everything! Which is why she didn't refuse the hug that he leaned in for.

**Seth**

Now, don't you go getting all mushy on me. Things have changed now. You have a girlfriend. I have a girlfriend. It won't work between us, however much you beg!

Again, Seth winced as he received a smack upside the head, this time from Alex, as they pulled apart out of their hug. Why did he insist on picking girls that were violent and unhinged? Girls that could beat him up in their sleep? He guessed he would have to ponder on that thought.

**Summer**

Oh my god am I glad you're here. She's been uncontrollable this week. She practically exploded in our last class!

Summer flailed dramatically, before leaning in to give Alex a hug. Again, it surprised Alex a little bit, considering they didn't know each other very well. But she accepted it anyway, because she liked what she knew of Summer, and also she was Marissa's best friend. Two very good reasons to make an effort to get along with her.

**Marissa**

_She _is standing right here.

**Summer**

Yeah, I know Coop. I'm not blind!

Summer flailed at her friend, looking at her as though she had actually lost her mind. Marissa just rolled her eyes, not being able to remain mad at the shorter girl. The truth was, Summer was right. She had been hard to handle this past week, and she thought her friends, especially Summer, deserved a medal for putting up with her.

It was then that a silence dropped over everyone, as Summer stepped back, looping her arm in Seth's. In doing so, she had inadvertently made Alex and Ryan come face to face. He had been hanging back a little bit, watching the scene a little awkwardly and doing a lot of head scratching. Now, he looked at Alex as uncomfortably as she was looking at him.

**Ryan**

Hey.

Again, he scratched the back of his head, not really knowing what to say. He looked strained, obviously not enjoying being at a loss of what to do.

**Alex**

Hey. Sorry. You know about last year, and well…everything.

Something in Alex's eyes, despite looking awkward and uncomfortable, told Ryan that she was being sincere. Last year at the bonfire was her reaction to loosing the girl she loved, he knew that. On some levels, they were actually quite similar. Both protective and slightly impulsive. Both stoic and mysterious. All they really wanted was Marissa, he couldn't really blame her for acting the way she did knowing she was loosing her.

**Ryan**

It's all good. Clean slate?

Ryan held out his hand, his gesture to say that it really was all good. It was time to move on, and leave everything that had happened in the past. He actually kind of liked Alex, or liked what he had seen of her. They hadn't hung out much, obviously. That god awful double date Seth set up had been so disastrous that he hadn't really found out much about her. Other than that she was a pretty decent girl. She had picked up on the signals between him and Lindsay, and told him to go for it. He doubted many girls would have done that, even if they were having a horrible time.

**Alex**

Yeah, clean slate.

Marissa smiled, feeling a wave of relief wash over her as she watched Alex and Ryan shake hands. The tension that had popped up began to dissipate now that the air was clear between them, and the rest of them knew there wasn't going to be any hard feelings.

**Summer**

So, are you setting off back to L.A straight away?

**Alex**

Pretty much. Otherwise we'll catch heavy traffic.

**Marissa**

We better get going then, I hafta go get my stuff and say goodbye to my Mom.

Marissa let go of Alex's hand, stepping forward to envelope Summer in a tight hug. The darker brunette groaned playfully at being squeezed so hard, but smiled happily. She liked seeing this lighter side of Marissa. She knew her best friend would never be completely rid of her demons, but she was working hard to no longer let them take over her. And she thought that taking this step, sorting things out with Ryan and getting back together with Alex which is what she had been wanting to do, was going to help her profoundly. Also, reconnecting with Kaitlin and Julie hadn't hurt. It was a shame that her Dad wasn't being his usual self. Instead he had pulled a disappearing act on his daughter, which Summer could tell had wounded Marissa to no end.

**Summer**

Call me when you get there. And have a good time sweetie.

**Marissa**

I will. Bye.

Summer, Ryan and Seth stood there, watching as Marissa and Alex got into the jeep. Alex put her sunglasses back on, answering something that Marissa had just asked her. She leant forward, and pulled out a bottle of water before handing it to the brunette. Then, starting the jeep up and exposing all those around them to the forceful music, which also made Marissa laugh, she began to pull out. Once again, narrowly missing a bunch of cheerleaders in her way. She smirked evilly, satisfied as she ignored their protests as they moved out of the way.

**15 minutes later**

**Marissa**

Mom?

Marissa looked around as she stepped into the trailer, Alex not far behind her. The blonde looked at the suitcases on the floor, raising an eyebrow as she looked at Marissa.

**Alex**

Are these _all _yours?

She asked, trying to sound more shocked than she was; after all it was Marissa Cooper she was talking about here. She couldn't be all that shocked!

**Marissa**

No! _That _one is mine. The rest are my Mom's. She going on a cruise with Dr Roberts. Summer Dad.

**Alex**

Really? Summer's Dad? Is it serious?

Marissa stepped her way around the many bags that her Mother had packed, trying to get to her own at the back of the space. Remarkably, she had managed to fit everything she wanted to take into one holdall. Actually, she was rather proud of herself for managing it.

**Marissa**

Yeah, I think so. She seems to really like him. It's nice, I'm happy for her. And well, Summer and I are practically sisters anyway!

**Julie**

Well I'm glad you approve honey.

Both Alex and Marissa turned around to see Julie hovering in the doorway, a subtle smirk resting on her lips, as she held a grocery bag in her arms. She hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but neither of the girls had noticed them step into the doorway, and she had managed to catch Marissa's response to Alex's question. She had only nipped out to get a couple of things from the store, hoping to make it there and back before Marissa came to collect her bag and left for L.A.

**Julie**

Hi Alex.

**Alex**

Hey Mrs Cooper.

Julie gave Alex a stern look, that made the teenager clear her throat and correct herself.

**Alex**

Julie.

**Julie**

That's better! Are you ready to hit the road Marissa? Do you have everything you need?

Marissa nodded, picking up her bag, which was kind of heavy, and hefting it with her as she weaved once again in and out of her Mother's packing. She smiled thankfully at Alex, who automatically reached up and took the bag away from Marissa and shouldered it herself.

**Marissa**

Yes Mom, I have everything I need. Don't worry. Just concentrate on having a good time with Dr Roberts.

**Julie**

You know, if things work out you'll have to start calling him something other than Dr Roberts all the time.

**Marissa**

I can't help it; he's always been Dr Roberts to me! Either that or Summer's Dad.

Julie laughed, enjoying Marissa's jovial mood. She put the bag she was carrying down, and pulled her daughter into a hug. As she was about to say something else, her phone began to ring in her pocket. Letting Marissa go, she fished it out and answered it without looking at the ID.

**Julie**

Hello? Oh, hi Jimmy…

Julie saw Marissa roll her eyes, and point at the door as she looked at Alex. As the teenager began to make her escape, Julie took hold of her arm to stop her as she listened to her ex husband ramble on the phone. She didn't like how things were between them at the moment. Marissa and Jimmy had always been so close. Now Marissa hated him, and Jimmy seemed to care more about his life than that.

**Julie**

Well what do you expect James? Look, she's standing right here, you explain I'm sick of doing it for you.

Julie thrust the phone toward Marissa, who shook her head obstinately as she wiggled out of her Mother's grasp and folded her arms rebelliously. She didn't see why she should make the effort to talk to her Dad when he didn't make any effort to talk to her. And she also didn't know why her Mother was pushing her to build bridges with him.

**Julie**

Rissa honey, just talk to him. Please? This will never get sorted out if neither of you makes an effort.

Sighing, Marissa stared at her Mother. She really wanted her to do this, really wanted to help mend the relationship between her and her Dad. Reluctantly, she decided to take the phone. She supposed someone had to start talking and be grown up about this.

**Marissa**

Hi Daddy. Guess what? I'm gay!

Or not quite grown up. She flipped the phone shut and handed it out to Julie, all the while with a defiant, smug look on her face. She was a teenager; it gave her the right to be petulant and childish. If her Father could do it, so could she. He was the one that abandoned her and hardly ever called. She didn't do anything wrong. If he wanted to sort things out, he needed to be the one to do it.

**Julie**

Urgh, you are _such _a little me!

Julie grumbled, half angry and half impressed. She didn't object as Marissa leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, not being able to reprimand her for her behaviour. Jimmy actually deserved it, and it was a funny mental picture of his face after hearing that.

**Marissa**

Bye Mom, I love you.

Very happy with herself, Marissa took Alex's hand and virtually skipped out of the trailer. Finally, her weekend in L.A with her girlfriend was beginning and she didn't want to hang around thinking about her Dad all day.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

**L.A**

The drive over to L.A had taken a little longer than both girl's had anticipated. Alex had grumbled at catching some early, Friday afternoon traffic, not being able to resist shouting and honking her horn at the bad drivers out on the road. How these people got their licenses she would never work out. Her behaviour however, had highly amused Marissa. Her girlfriend hadn't been bothered about the traffic, happy to just sit and chill out in the passenger's seat, rifling through the music selection Alex kept in her jeep. A light, easy going banter had continued between them, and every now and then one of them would lean over to steal a kiss. The atmosphere had been light; neither girl's thinking about the work ahead of them that they needed to do on their relationship. For the 3 hours it took to get to L.A, they were just a couple of easy going girls having fun together.

Marissa, upon asking Alex to show her around town and where she went, had now been shown Alex's school, the hospital she worked at, and one of her favourite rock bars. The brunette found herself craving for more information about the blonde beauty besides her. This time around, she wanted to know anything and everything about Alex. She didn't care what it was, she just wanted to know. Which is how the questions had started. Simple questions, for the moment. Like favourite colour, drink, food…stuff like that. Little things, that actually meant a lot to a person. Things Marissa knew she should have taken notice of last year.

So far, the brunette had found out that Alex liked purple and brown, and generally disliked red. So also loved anything with pasta in it, but could pretty much eat anything as long as it didn't have coconut in it, which she was allergic to. Coffee and beer were her favourite drinks, which Marissa already knew from the amount she drank of both. Now, sitting in the kitchen of Alex's new apartment, Marissa had found out yet another thing.

**Marissa**

I can't believe you can cook. I can't believe you never cooked before, Miss Take Out Queen!

She chuckled, watching as Alex cut some chicken pieces into little squares. She had already chopped the vegetables, and set the pasta going on the hob. They had been here for almost 2 hours. Alex had found somewhere to put Marissa's clothes and toiletries, then taken her girlfriend on a little tour. It had taken a lot longer than it should have, on account of having to stop for make out sessions. Which she wasn't really opposed to doing! Now Marissa was sitting on the end of the kitchen counter, watching her intently. It felt good having her here. Her apartment felt different, fuller, she guessed. Having someone she loved here made a difference. Marissa's presence always made a difference.

**Alex**

One of my many hidden talents!

**Marissa**

How did you learn?

Marissa wondered, pushing herself off the counter and walking over to the fridge. Pulling it open, she reached inside and pulled out two beers. Alex didn't even blink, still concentrating on what she was doing. It felt as though they had been there together, for years. And it was just an old habit for her to cook and Marissa to watch and help out from time to time. It felt comfortable.

**Alex**

My Mom. She's a cook. Before…before everything that happened, _happened_, she used to cook with all of us.

Marissa came to stand next to Alex, but leant her back on the counter rather than standing forward. She put Alex's beer down next to her, and sipped at her own as she looked at the blonde, a faint crease running down her forehead as she noticed Alex's tone drop a little.

**Marissa**

Who's 'all of us'?

**Alex**

My brothers and sisters.

**Marissa**

You never talked about your family before.

Alex ceased her chopping, turning her head to look at Marissa. For some reason, she couldn't cover up the sadness and awkwardness she was feeling at that moment. She couldn't hide it from her girlfriend, so instead just looked at her, hoping that Marissa would understand.

**Alex**

It was hard for me to talk about them. It still is.

She replied, her voice barely above a whisper, cracked and serious. She accepted the light but meaningful kiss that Marissa leant in for, and leaned into her hand a little bit as the brunette placed it on her cheek, stroking her thumb over her skin gently.

**Marissa**

Then wait until you're ready.

**Alex**

Yeah?

**Marissa**

Yeah. Alex you don't need to tell me everything all at once. I don't want you to force anything out. We have four days. But tonight, let's just have dinner and take it easy, okay?

**Alex**

Okay.

The young blonde smiled, leaning in and kissing Marissa again. Suddenly she felt lighter, and a bit more confident. Marissa was right; they didn't need to do all the deeper stuff straight away. It was only Friday night, they had been at school all week, and she had been working too. Now was the time to chill out and reconnect. So that's what she planned to do.

It hadn't started heavily. Actually, it had been a little awkward at first, for some reason. Despite being in love, and happy to be with one another again, both girls had found it hard to start the ball rolling. Now that all the anticipation was gone, now that they were here, it was different from what they had expected. But it had gotten easier.

Slowly but surely, the conversation had started to pick up. They had chatted over dinner, discussing random and quirky things. Anything they could think of really. They told one another jokes, or silly events that had occurred since they had saw each other last year. They had laughed, and soon dinner was finished and they were left, captivating one another in their stories. Marissa had discovered that Alex preferred dogs to cats and she got turned on by the smell of vanilla.

She had also learnt that the blonde, yet again, had insisted on paying her own way. Her parents had secured the apartment for her, but she had refused to let them pay her rent. Out of two reasons really. One was that she was simply too independent and stubborn to let them. Enough had happened for her to still be a little weary, so she preferred to stand on her own two feet in case anything happened again. The other was, she knew that it would be a burden for them. They would have struggled doing it.

Alex had explained about her job, and told Marissa about some of the people she worked with. About Tessa and Dr Phillips, and some of the things the staff got up to. She left out anything related to Ritchie, of course. But she was glad that the brunette was interested, and asked questions, obviously wanting all the information she could get.

Marissa had filled Alex in on everything that had happened in the year after their break up too. Explained how she and her Mother had ended up living in the trailer, told her about Ryan, Johnny, Kaitlin, her Dad. About how things with her Dad were so bad that she didn't know how to repair them, and couldn't seem to forgive him for letting them get that way. She also brought up Julie and Dr Roberts' new relationship, admitting that she hoped that it would work out for them. The words just seemed to flow; Alex made her so comfortable that she just let everything out.

They hadn't really realised that they were getting closer and closer together. That by the time the words ran out, they were mere inches apart. Which of course, was how the kissing started. Slow kissing. Loving, exploring and languid. They weren't in any rush. It was nice just to take there time, exploring one another again. Before they knew it, their make out session had taken them into the later hours of the night.

**Alex**

Tired?

Alex smirked, watching Marissa in wonder as the brunette yawned sweetly. Somehow, their positions had shifted. She wasn't sure when it had happened, but at some point, Marissa had been laid on the couch, and Alex had straddled her, hovering over. Now, she leaned herself up by putting her arms at either side of her girlfriend. She couldn't believe how unbelievably adorable Marissa looked right now, all sleepy and yawning. She looked so innocent, like she was untouched by the world's cruelty. She had often thought that, back when they had been going out the first time. But it seemed amplified now, like Marissa had gotten even sweeter when she was tired.

**Marissa**

Yeah.

Marissa replied sheepishly, but not being able to cover up the fact that she was actually very tired. Not in a bad way. Sometimes you could get tired in an irritable way. But now, she was so comfortable, and warm, and safe, that it was a pleasant kind of tired.

**Alex**

Me too. You can take my bed. I'll sleep out here.

Marissa frowned a little bit, and also instantly missed the warmth and pressure of Alex's body as she moved off of her and stood up, offering out her hand. She took it, pulling herself up into a sitting position, and then stood up slowly.

**Marissa**

Out here? On the couch?

**Alex**

Yeah, it's cool. I've slept on it before, don't worry.

**Marissa**

I'd rather…I mean…I'd rather sleep together.

Marissa cleared her throat, shifting her eyes to various places of the living room before she locked eyes with Alex's, deciding that she didn't have any reason to be flustered or embarrassed. It's not like they hadn't slept together before.

**Alex**

Marissa, I'm not sure if that's such a good idea. I mean, we've got a lot to talk about. We've only just gotten back together…

Marissa smiled, finding it oddly cute that Alex was trying to turn her down politely and sweetly. She stepped forward, placing a finger over Alex's lips to halt her in her ramble. It was cute how the blonde was worried, trying to think of a way to say no without really offending her. She knew exactly what Alex meant, and she also knew that she had gotten the wrong end of the stick.

**Marissa**

Baby, breathe! I didn't mean _sleep _together. I just meant…I just want to fall asleep with you again. I want you there. Like I said, I miss that. I just really, really want to be close to you.

Marissa brushed some of Alex's silky blonde hair behind her ear, not looking away from her ice blue orbs, as she spoke to her softly, sincerely. She moved her other hand to take the blonde's hand, entwining their fingers together. She smiled as she saw a look of understanding in Alex's eyes, and felt her hand connect with her cheek.

**Alex**

Okay.

Alex leaned in again, placing the softest of kisses on Marissa's lips, before turning around slowly, not breaking the connection they had with their hands. She lead the brunette out of the living room and out into the hall, turning the lights out as they went, until they got into her bedroom. Neither one spoke as she closed the door, and neither of them spoke as they turned their backs to one another as they changed. The atmosphere between them was thick and intense, but comfortably so. They felt at ease, like it was good that things weren't being rushed. That they were taking their time to let their connection strengthen bit by bit. And they both felt good as they snuggled up to one another, arms and legs entwining as they drifted off to sleep contentedly.

**Morning**

Marissa felt warm. And oddly enough, content. Before she even came around properly, she felt the sun beams on her legs, and smiled just ever so slightly at the comfortable sleep feeling surrounding the room. She also felt something else. A softness. A presence. Then she remembered, and her smile grew bigger.

Breathing in slowly but deeply, Marissa stretched out as she opened her eyes. Blinking the tiredness from them, they sparkled hazily, still not quite awake, as she saw Alex in front of her. She was still asleep, her blonde hair mussed up and haphazardly strewn over the pillow. She was lying on her side, one hand under her head and the other reached in front of her, lying on the bed. Marissa figured that maybe Alex had had her arm around her during the night, but she had rolled out of her embrace. The brunette knew she tended to move a lot sometimes.

Lifting up her hand, Marissa moved back a few strands of blonde and purple so she had an unobstructed view of her girlfriend's face. She looked so peaceful, like she didn't have a care in the world. Like everything she had been through thus far, all the weight she carried inside of her, just didn't exist.

It wasn't certain, what was going to happen. Nothing ever really was, she supposed. But one thing was certain. She loved Alex like no other. There was no place for doubt about that. In fact, she was proud. She loved a girl and she didn't give a damn who cared or what they thought. Because at the end of the day, Alex was worth it. And her feelings were worth it too. Marissa hadn't spent a lot of her short life being happy, but she knew somewhere that she deserved to be.

The thought came back to her then, what exactly was she? Gay? Bi? Did she need to be anything at all? Why did she need a label? Marissa hated to admit it, but part of her did want one. Just so that she could have that and be secure in herself, and also have it to explain to people. But she knew that not everyone fit into little boxes. She didn't want a label and a box; she just wanted to be herself. But if she didn't accept it, was she rejecting some part of herself? Was she snubbing it? Alex had been through a bad time because of her sexuality, was avoiding figuring it out just trying to cop out of the pain associated with it? Would it make any difference? People were going to find out she was with a girl anyway, and surely crap would follow, especially in Newport. So why not figure out exactly who and what she was? But how did that happen? Marissa was so beyond confused, and she was starting to get a headache.

**Alex**

It's too early to look that troubled.

Blinking sharply, Marissa refocused her eyes back onto the object of her affections, finding Alex staring back at her sleepily. She smiled immediately, her random thought fest exploding into little pieces, and a care free and delighted feeling moving in instead. She smiled at the soft, still slightly croaky voice and the general morning look that she had missed so much.

**Marissa**

Well, technically, it's not early. It's 10:30.

Marissa countered, smirking a little as she indicated the clock on Alex's night stand. The blonde looked surprised, turning to look as though she expected Marissa to be playing a joke on her. She wasn't, it really was 10:30.

**Alex**

Wow, I didn't think I was _that _tired. How long have you been awake?

**Marissa**

A couple of minutes. I haven't slept this well since last year.

She pinned Alex with a pointed look, not needing to explain further. Not needing to voice that Marissa slept best when she was in the blonde's arms. It had surprised her, back then. After Alex had left, Marissa had spent the next few nights trying to adjust sleeping without her. It had been difficult, to say the least. She thought that's when it first hit her that she had made a mistake. Of course, she had refused to acknowledge it properly, but with hindsight she knew it.

**Alex**

Me either. So, erm…what do you want to do today?

**Marissa**

I dunno. You're the L.A girl, you tell me!

Alex chuckled as her fingers played with the ends of some of Marissa's hair. A list of things surfaced into her thoughts of what she and Marissa could do today. She had actually been planning it all week; the ideas had been never ending. But now they were here, they all seemed to be inadequate. The truth was, she wasn't sure how to go about this. Wasn't sure what was the thing to be done, she'd never been through this before. But she didn't want to worry about it either. Having decided to put her cards on the table at the start of the week, and tell Marissa everything, Alex decided that following her instincts would be best. She couldn't force it out of herself, it needed to come naturally. Which meant she couldn't structure anything. So, taking a deep breath, she cleared her mind in hopes that something right would pop up into her mind.

**Alex**

'Kay, how about we go out and grab some breakfast and then hit the beach for a while?

**Marissa**

You wanna go surfing, don't you?

**Alex**

Yeah, pretty much!

Marissa laughed, rolling her eyes affectionately with a playfully exasperated expression crossing her face. Some things never changed.

**Marissa**

Okay, but no trying to teach me how to surf again okay? The last time was a _disaster_!

Widening her eyes and flailing for emphasis, Marissa remembered the surfing lesson that Alex had attempted to give her. Embarrassing wasn't even the word for it. Not only for her, but for Alex too. Plus, Marissa didn't feel like swallowing half the ocean when she fell off the board again. Sunbathing was good enough for her. She was well practiced in the area, and she enjoyed it.

**Alex**

Wasn't even gunna offer!

**2:17pm**

Alex felt sick. Painfully, physically sick. The anxiety that tore through her stomach was almost too much to bear, and reminded her of the butterflies she had had at the start of the week. When she thought that Marissa hadn't really meant what she said, or even if she did, wouldn't feel or think the same way when she found out the truth of certain things.

It wasn't like Alex had planned it to happen. She hadn't. All her plan had been was to be truthful this weekend. She had never meant to start the ball rolling now. Here. On the beach. It had just blurted itself out. She thought about the morning she had spent with Marissa, in the silent lull that was now drifting between them. Thought about waking up with her again, and how good it felt. Also about their lingering glances and soft touches over breakfast at the little diner they had gone to. It was only now that Alex realised that they had somehow been touching since this morning. As though subconsciously, they never wanted to be apart. They weren't touching now.

**Alex**

I feel so…

**Marissa**

Don't.

Alex looked up quickly, head recoiling as fear shot through her eyes. Maybe it was too soon? Maybe Marissa never wanted to hear this? Alex wondered if she had done the right thing, being honest. The truth about her reckless abandon when it came to sex, did the brunette really need to know that? It was too late now. Alex had come clean. For some reason, after she had been out on the water for a while, and after trotting back up the sand to Marissa who had been sun bathing, she had just started talking. Oddly enough, because Alex couldn't remember thinking about anything out on the waves. Never the less, her mouth had opened and the words had fallen out. Her eyes meeting Marissa's now and then, not daring to look at them properly for fear of finding something she didn't like. Especially as she had come to explain about Ritchie, and Carly.

**Alex**

What?

**Marissa**

Don't feel like that. You haven't done anything wrong.

Marissa put her hand on her girlfriends shoulder, trying to emphasis to the worried blonde that she wasn't mad. She didn't pity her and she wasn't disgusted at her. She was none of anything like that. What she was, was relieved. And a little touched. Alex was so private, so guarded and weary. Marissa knew how hard it must have been for her to let go of something like that. But she had made the effort anyway. For her. And that meant a lot to Marissa.

**Marissa**

Whatever you did, you did for a reason. You were trying to fix something that was hurting you. At least you didn't hide, like me. At least you were upfront; you never hid behind a huge lie. So we both did things we're not proud of, okay? People make mistakes, that's how they learn.

**Alex**

Even if that's true, this is going to affect you now. Carly was serious. She's not gunna leave me alone.

**Marissa**

I can handle her. I can handle all of this. I love you. I'm not expecting you to be perfect for me.

Alex felt that sick feeling lift from her stomach, leaving her a little light headed for the sudden change. She had never been accepted so readily before. She had always struggled, always fought against someone, against herself. Her parents had all but abandoned her before she left for Newport. Her friends all even expected her to be one thing, causing her to fight everything else inside of her. But Marissa? She just accepted all of it. Accepted the mistakes, the darkness. It was an alien feeling, but she liked it.

**Alex**

That's good, 'cause I'm nowhere near perfect. I haven't actually changed all that much. Just grown up a little bit is all. I should have just learnt my lesson with Jodie.

Marissa narrowed her eyes, feeling a small pang of defense and jealousy at the mention of the small Latino girl that she had come to light clashes with. She thought back, remembering the affect that Jodie had had over Alex. The way she had made Alex nervous, and weak. It had really been the only time Marissa had seen the blonde like that. Jodie just held something over her, and Marissa hated it then, and still did.

**Marissa**

What do you mean?

**Alex**

Jodie and Carly are almost the same person. You gotta hand it to me, when I want trouble and complication I know exactly how to find it. She's just as possessive, just as confrontational…just as addictive. But the difference is that I'm smarter, I hate her, and I have you. You don't have anything to worry about.

Alex explained and reassured as she spotted the hesitant glimpse in Marissa's deep blue eyes. She smiled lightly, studying the brunette's face as she stroked her fingers down her cheek. Watched as Marissa sighed lightly, taking her hand and holding onto it.

**Marissa**

I know I don't.

Leaning forward, Marissa kissed Alex tenderly, but couldn't stop the thoughts she was having from running through her mind. It had been Alex that brought Jodie up, and now she couldn't get her out of her head.

**Marissa**

Have you…have you seen Jodie? I mean, since you left?

**Alex**

What?

**Marissa**

It's not a hard question.

She snapped defensively, already knowing Alex's answer from the look in her eyes. She had seen Jodie. The girl that had power over her. The girl that could actually give her something to worry about. Alex had said she hated Carly; she had nothing to worry about from Carly. She had never said it about Jodie. And that made Marissa feel uneasy.

**Alex**

I stayed with her for a couple of weeks when I left, yeah. Seen her a couple of times since.

**Marissa**

Seen her or slept with her?

Alex drew her head back, glaring at her girlfriend in both anger and confusion. She had never expected Jodie to pop up between them this weekend. She was such a distant subject.

**Alex**

What is this?

**Marissa**

It's you and her. What is it about her that makes you blind? She hurt you. But…but you always seem to gravitate toward her. How could you do that? Go back to her?

As Marissa all but shouted at her, Alex stood up and took a step back. She could not believe this. Had she not made herself quite clear? Had she not given Marissa all the proof that she needed that she loved her? It made her angry, that Marissa couldn't see it. She had missed it in Newport, and she was still doing it now too. After what they had been through, she thought that Marissa would know her a little better. Would know that some things were never cut and dry with some people, like they weren't between her and Jodie. It didn't mean that she wanted her, or would choose her instead.

**Alex**

Blind? You want to take about being blind? Because you sure missed a whole fucking lot in Newport when it came to me. When I pushed Jodie away, _for you_. A girl that I hardly knew. But you missed it, you were too busy hiding and using me to piss people off. To hurt yourself. You didn't want to know that I loved you then. You never made an effort to fit me into your life. You didn't stop me from leaving. I went back to her because it was a knee jerk reaction. You gutted me Marissa. I was hurting, and she was convenient. I went back to her because of you. Because you broke my heart. But it's okay, just assume the worst of me, I'm used to it. Everybody does.

Picking up her board, Alex started to walk away quickly. Right now, she wasn't exactly thinking clearly. This was so fucked up, and she wasn't sure how to fix it. She was pretty sure, however, that yelling at Marissa wasn't the best idea. But she had needed to do it. She realised, that a small piece of her was still hurt, and still angry, for what happened a year ago. The sting of knowing that Marissa had been using her back then to lash out, it hadn't gone away. The hurt of letting herself get so vulnerable that she ended up getting her heart broken still pissed her off.

She heard Marissa tell her to stop, to wait. She didn't. Ignoring her, she just tore up the beach and over to the car park. By the time she got there, the anger started draining out of her, making her feel weak. Shakily, she tossed her board into the back of the jeep, and leant forward on it, resting her head on her hands. She didn't want to cry. She didn't cry that often either. But she needed to now, she needed the release.

**Marissa**

Alex?

Marissa's voice was soft, cautious too. As though she wasn't sure if she should make her presence known. After Alex had walked away, she had tried to follow her. But she had had to grab their stuff and shove it into the bag first. By the time she had finished and took off after her girlfriend, really hoping Alex hadn't left her there, it had been a few minutes. In that time, everything fell into place. The way she had hurt the blonde was unforgivable. Alex was right, everything she said was right. And this was the first time Marissa had really understood that. She knew she had hurt her, yes. But right now was when she realised just how much. She realised that she had gutted her. Of course she couldn't blame Alex for seeking comfort in someone she knew. That's what she had done with Ryan. How could she expect any differently from Alex?

**Alex**

Don't.

Marissa pulled her hand back, after feeling Alex flinch after placing it on her shoulder lightly. Her stomach dipped as she looked down, feeling it twist in pain and her heart throb nervously against her chest. She could hear Alex sniffle, taking in breaths to pull herself together. She had made her cry.

**Marissa**

I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry for everything I did. You're right, I did use you. And I'll never forgive myself for that.

**Alex**

You didn't do it by yourself. I let you. It's not like I gave you a chance to get to know me. I saw it coming, and I didn't do anything. I was too scared.

Alex admitted, knowing after she had stood at her car crying, that she couldn't place the blame of her pain solely on Marissa. They were both to blame. They had both been weak, both been stupid and both been afraid. There were things Marissa still didn't know about. Alex hadn't told her about the whiplash of pain she had come to Newport with. Crippling her to do something about their relationship as she saw it sinking. She was just as guilty as Marissa. They had both been wrapped up in their separate lives, their separate pain, to really be honest. Maybe growing up is what they had needed? Maybe going through what they had in the last year, as much as it had hurt, is what they needed?

**Marissa**

So what do we do about this?

Marissa wondered weakly, looking away from Alex and down at the floor. She knew Alex was right, but she still felt awful for her part in it. And she felt awful for what had happened on the beach.

**Alex**

We move on.

Looking back up, she looked at Alex's outstretched hand. Then, her eyes flickered up to the blonde's. Taking Alex's hand, she let herself be pulled forward into a tight, meaningful hug. Marissa held onto Alex, comforted by the close embrace, by Alex's body being so close, and the softness of her breathing.

**Marissa**

I'm sorry.

**Alex**

I'm sorry too.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

**5:35pm**

**Alex**

Hey! What're you guys doing here?

Alex was actually glad of the distraction. She had been sitting on her couch, scowling at the TV as she flicked channels trying to find something interesting to watch. The task proved impossible. What she had really been doing however, was trying to find something to take her mind off of the fact that Marissa was taking a shower. Memories flew at her, remembering what they had gotten up to in the shower last year. Be it just stolen moments between them, or something much more explicit. Which was why she had been trying to distract herself, so she would be able to focus on something else and maybe stop feeling the urge to take Marissa in the shower right now. So when the doorbell rang, it was good.

They hadn't been home all that long. After what happened at the beach, they had stayed there for a little while, realising that they needed to talk. It had been hard, and raw and emotional, but in the end it felt cathartic. Alex had confessed about things that had been going through her head back then, and how quickly and unexpectedly she had fallen for Marissa. She had confessed to her the real amount of damage she had suffered by the break up, which she had tried to shield the brunette from before. But now she realised she needed Marissa to know in order to let go of it. She needed her to understand. And she guessed, explaining it to her made herself understand her actions afterward a little better. They had talked about what had been wrong, and what they had done wrong the first time too. And Marissa had explained a little bit of why she had done the things she did, why she had hidden instead of confront her real feelings. Some of those reasons, Alex had understood instantly. About the fear, and the confusion. She had gone through them too, and she knew how hard it was to feel that.

After the talking was done, they were both exhausted. The whole thing had been draining. They had decided to go back to the apartment and chill out for a little while. Things had been more comfortable between them; they felt as though they knew each other a little better now. They were actually talking the way they should have talked last year.

**Casey**

You told us to meet you here.

Casey looked at her friend oddly, as though Alex had grown another head as the blonde surfer seemed confused. She thought back, trying to remember when exactly she had told her friends to come over. Had she had a conversation with them that she wasn't aware of? All her time had been spent with Marissa since Friday. Unless she had just lost the last piece of her sanity of course, which was plausible.

**Alex**

I did?

**Rex**

Yeah. Remember, the other week? Tonight is Cibo Matto.

Suddenly, everything made complete sense. It had been just before she had received the call from Marissa that night. The one that had made her bolt to Newport, and had started the ball rolling between them again. She, Casey, Rex and Joel had made plans to go and see Cibo Matto, who were playing at the club she went to. How could she have forgotten that?

**Alex**

Oh shit, I completely forgot. I am so, _so _sorry.

Cringing as she stepped aside, Alex let her three friends into the apartment, momentarily forgetting that Marissa was there too. She still hadn't told them about her. Not for any specific reason really. She intended to, but she had wanted to keep the brunette to herself for a little while. Especially as they were getting back on their feet. And of course, she was still too private for her own good. Part of it she guessed, came out of not wanting to explain what had happened before. It was complicated and painful, and she hadn't even known how she had felt about it if she were to attempt telling them. But now, now she had sorted through it, now they both had, things were easier. She had perspective now.

**Joel**

You forgot? Does that mean…

Joel let his sentence fade away from him as he saw Marissa wonder out of Alex's bedroom door down the hallway, looking sheepish as she saw the gathering by the door. He dropped his jaw slightly, then leaned in toward his friend.

**Joel**

Alex, there's a Goddess coming out of your room.

He whispered, still gazing at the beautiful girl that was hovering in the hallway, not really knowing whether to stay put or go back out of sight. Alex just looked at him oddly for a moment, before realising that he meant Marissa. She turned around to see her girlfriend there, who looked at her apologetically and slightly embarrassed at being called a Goddess. She was dressed now, in some jeans and a pink silk strappy top, looking as striking as ever. Turning back to her friends, who were now all staring at Marissa, she smirked affectionately.

**Alex**

Yeah, I know.

Looking over her shoulder again, she gestured for Marissa to come over, giving her an encouraging look.

**Alex**

This is my girlfriend, Marissa. We erm…we just got back together.

**Casey**

_Ooooh_!

As Casey drew her head back, looking as though she realised something, everyone looked at her in confusion. She pointed at Alex, suddenly feeling a little uneasy at being centre of attention.

**Casey**

That's why Alex has been distracted all week, is all.

She explained quickly, cheeks flushing a little. The boys just nodded in agreement, as Marissa smirked at Alex who rubbed the back of her neck and cleared her throat; obviously not loving the fact Casey had just said that she had been distracted all week. She had a reputation to maintain, after all.

**Alex**

So erm…Marissa these are some of my friends from school. Casey, Joel and Rex.

Marissa smiled sweetly, offering out a hand to Alex's friends. Upon seeing them there, she had had no idea what to do. Whether Alex had told them anything about her, or if she was comfortable having them meet. Now, she felt relieved. And she was glad too; she knew Alex had a lot of friends of all different types. She was just one of those people that others gravitated to. She wasn't judgemental, unless you were pretending to be something that you weren't, of course. That just pissed her off. It didn't surprise her at all that she had befriended some of the nerds at her school. She could imagine her protectiveness over them already, it was just her nature.

**Marissa**

Hi, it's really nice to meet you.

Marissa smiled genuinely, offering out her hand to them in turn. She could sense the connection between the three strangers and her girlfriend. She could also tell that they somewhat idolised her, which probably made Alex rather uncomfortable and guilty. After only just meeting them, Marissa had already picked up a few things liked that. That and they weren't clued in to everything that Alex had gotten up to. It was her prerogative to tell them or not, Marissa understood that. She didn't mind that they obviously knew nothing about her. After all, she had fallen in love with a mysterious type. She also knew that she wouldn't have to make an effort to like these people. They seemed to genuinely pleasant. The way Joel blushed when they shook hands though, made her blush again too.

Rex 

You don't go to our school.

Rex pointed out; visibly trying to figure out how exactly Alex and Marissa's union had come to be.

Marissa 

No, we met in Newport last year. I'm from there.

**Joel**

You're from Newport Beach? Wow.

Alex gave her friend the same look she had given him when he had announced that he had met a girl called Greta on the Internet last week. Nevertheless, he still looked at Marissa dreamily, not having come down to Earth yet. The blonde remembered he had the same reaction when they had met. Rex and Casey explained that it was just his was of dealing with actual girls. Especially hot ones.

**Casey**

So, what do we do about tonight?

Casey wondered, after giving Joel the same sort of look that Alex had, before shaking it off and looking at her blonde friend.

**Marissa**

You should go; you made plans before…well…you know. So you should go.

Marissa insisted softly, placing her hand on Alex's arm as she saw the blonde debating her options in her mind.

**Alex**

I'm not leaving you behind. Come with us. I know the manager at the club, I'm sure he won't mind smuggling you in. I know you like Cibo Matto too.

**Marissa**

Okay, if you're sure.

**Alex**

I'm sure. I need to shower though, so why don't you guys chill out for a while? I won't be long.

Marissa nodded as Alex smiled reassuringly at her, before she leaned in and kissed her briefly before heading down the hallway to her room. She watched her go, gushing a little bit that her girlfriend had been so tender, and didn't want to leave her behind. She knew she wouldn't have, but it was nice to have it confirmed anyway. Then she turned to look at the three strangers again, feeling somewhat awkward as she shoved her hands in her pockets. They were all looking at her curiously, as if she was something to be studied. It made her nervous.

**Marissa**

So erm…are you guys thirsty?

Thirty minutes later, Marissa and the three friends were laughing and talking like they had known one another for their whole lives. She had gotten everyone a drink, before they had moved to sit down in the living room. Oddly enough, they had ended up bonding over chess. Rex and asked her if she wanted to play a game, whipping out his portable chess set that Casey joked was his version of a safety blanket. As the three of them had been teaching her how to play, they had started to loosen up a little, and open up to each other. They started talking about music, and then inevitably, Alex. They had informed her about Alex's real aptitude for science and math, and the way their Principal hated her because she was a non-conformist. Marissa had explained about her interest in environmental sciences too. There was something about the three friends; they were so genuine and accepting. They were so unlike most of the people at Newport. They wouldn't turn around and stab anyone in the back. It was refreshing.

**8:30pm**

Alex had indeed been able to smuggle Marissa into the show, considering that the manager was a friend, and that he owed her a favour anyway. The group had been at the club for a little over half an hour now, just enjoying the atmosphere and talking in the booth they had managed to snag upon their arrival. The blonde schoolgirl had mostly been listening to what her friends were talking about, the three of them at the opposite side of the table to Marissa and herself. Butting in occasionally to correct details of their stories, or to explain something a little better. But mostly, she had remained quiet, happy just to listen to them as she held Marissa's hand under the table. The brunette was concentrating on the stories being told, but was subconsciously playing with her fingers as she did.

**Marissa**

Alex?

Alex looked up at Marissa, trying to blink her daze away, realising that her girlfriend and her friends were all looking at her expectantly. Shaking her head to clear the cobwebs, she cleared her throat and quirked an eyebrow, looking completely lost.

**Alex**

What?

**Marissa**

We were saying the band should be starting soon.

**Alex**

Oh right. Yeah, they should be. Do you guys want any drinks?

Glancing at her watch, Alex nodded in agreement as she came back to reality. Marissa still hadn't let go of her hand, but had placed it onto her thigh, probably not even thinking about it. But however unintentional, the move had caused something to stir inside of Alex, bringing back those pangs she had earlier knowing Marissa was in the shower. Being so close to her now was making it hard to breath, made it harder to push her feelings down.

**Marissa**

I'll help.

Marissa looked at Alex oddly as the blonde nodded; glancing over what everyone was drinking before slipping out of the booth. The brunette followed her girlfriend over toward the bar, gulping slightly as she looked over what she was wearing once again. If it was actually possible, Alex had only grown sexier in their year apart. She was only wearing a simple black skirt and black shirt, but she still looked stunning. Marissa was having a hard time keeping her urges under control.

Close to 9pm the band that they had been waiting for came onto the stage, earning them a long round of cheers and applause. Alex laughed at the giddiness of her three friends, and accepted Marissa's hand to get out of the booth to go further toward the front so they could see Cibo Matto as well as dance if they wanted to. As they started into their first song, Sugar Water, Marissa wrapped her arms around the blonde from behind her, letting their bodies sway in motion together. Due to the slow, seductive beat of the song, the two of them moved torturously slow, bodies comfortably pressed against one another. As Marissa slid her hands over Alex's stomach, sprawling her fingers over her abdomen, Alex leant back slightly, reaching an arm up to cup the side of Marissa's face gently, indicating that she didn't want her to move. She could feel the brunette's hot breath on her neck, slow and steady, and it made her head thicken even more with the desire she had been trying to fend off. Being so close was excruciating too, feeling the softness and the warmth of Marissa's body behind her made her bite her bottom lip lightly, trying to keep herself under control.

They remained that way for the whole song, locked in their own little bubble of raw desire and deep intimacy. And almost as though the band were playing solely to their mood, they went straight into their next song Apple, which was just as seductively consuming as the last one. Alex turned around in Marissa's arms, no longer being able to face away from her. As soon as she had turned, their bodies still moving in time together, only a little more forcefully with this beat, they fell into an intense, overwhelming kiss. A kiss that summed up what they were feeling better than they could have ever explained with words.

As the song changed again, to a more uplifting and bouncy song, Working For Vacation, they pulled apart, smirking at one another intimately as their eyes sparkled. They didn't need to say anything out loud, everything they had been feeling they had just communicated. But realising that they were still in the middle of a crowded dance floor caused them to step back a little from one another before they got carried away. Instead, they began to dance and weave along to the song, enjoying the tones and vibes flowing from the band. Marissa laughed as Alex twirled her around playfully, before noticing that her friends were still sat at the table. She pointed at them, making Alex look over too. She gestured for them to come onto the dance floor, but they all shook their heads aggressively. Sighing, Alex rolled her eyes, leaving her girlfriend and walking over to them quickly. Marissa just continued to dance, enjoying the energy.

**Alex**

Move your asses onto that dance floor, right now.

Alex ordered as she reached her friends, leaning on the table as she gave them all a glare that deserved to be given by a Drill Sergeant. She wasn't mad at them, or angry that she had had to leave her girlfriend alone on the floor. She just wanted them to be unafraid to do what they wanted to do. They felt like they didn't fit in here, or anywhere. But not fitting in wasn't always a bad thing, she just wished she could get that through to them. So, she was going to give them some encouragement. Or, as it was right now, scare them into moving.

**Rex**

But Alex we…

**Alex**

I don't wanna hear it. You're here to see the band. The band are over there. No one cares what you look like or how you dance. It doesn't matter. Everyone is just here to have a good time. So start having one.

She stressed, exasperated. Then, she offered out her hand toward Joel, who was sitting at the end of the booth. He looked at her hand wearily as she looked at him expectantly, seeing him gulp before he took hold of her, standing up nervously. She smiled supportively, and nodded her head toward the dance floor, a gesture for the other two to follow. As they nodded in agreement, she turned around, leading Joel along behind her, knowing that Casey and Rex were following her too. As she got back to Marissa, she smirked triumphantly before kissing her briefly, then turning around to Joel and moving with the music again. He flushed a little, at having her dance so close to him, but started to follow her lead as she didn't seem to be embarrassed at dancing with him. For her part, Marissa smiled encouragingly at Casey and Rex, giving them both a supportive touch on the arm, leading them into dancing with the beat too. Before the song was over, the two of them had the three shy friends dancing too.

As the band kept playing, the friends kept dancing and laughing together. Alex had been surprised when Jaden and a couple of other friends of theirs appeared, not having the faintest idea any of them liked the band, but welcomed them all the same and introduced them to Marissa. She had given them all a 'be nice or else' look in regards to her other three friends, and seemed happy when Jaden made the first move to be polite as he asked Casey to dance with him. Before everyone knew it, they were just a bunch of happy high school seniors digging the music of a great band. After dancing with other people for a while, Marissa and Alex found their way back to one another, sometimes moving slowly together, sometimes moving and twisting playfully with the jauntier tracks like Speechless, Lint Of Love and Spoons. Sometimes they danced around each other, trying to provoke and entice to tracks such as Sci-Fi Wasabi, Beef Jerky and Birthday Cake. Eventually though, the performance came to an end. Although due to an overwhelming applause and refusal to accept the show was over, Cibo Matto did come on and perform three extra songs, much to their audiences delight.

After the band had departed and the normal DJ took over again, Alex declared she was going to the bathroom before going to the bar again. Marissa nodded, kissing her girlfriend before she left, before turning around again, dancing along to the new beats with Casey.

**Marissa**

You're a really good dancer.

**Casey**

I am?

Casey squeaked in something beyond shock, making Marissa chuckle as she nodded honestly.

**Marissa**

Yeah, you are.

**Casey**

Thanks.

Her confidence now bolstered, she kept moving with Marissa, both laughing as they spun each other around sometimes. They kept doing that for a while, not really caring what songs came on. The DJ was good, feeling the vibe of the club goers and choosing records accordingly. It wasn't until almost four songs later, and after she and Casey had been joined by some more people, that Marissa realised that Alex should have been back by now. Looking over at the table, she didn't see her. Slowly slipping out of the beat of the song, she began to look around properly, then caught sight of her stood at the side of the bar. Narrowing her eyes, and looking between a group of people, she frowned as she saw Alex sigh irritably as she rubbed her forehead, looking down as she shook her head slowly. From where she was stood, Marissa could tell that her body language had turned defensive, giving her the impression that there was something wrong. As the throng of people on the dance floor moved slightly, giving her a better view, Marissa frowned further as she saw a raven haired girl stood in front of Alex, saying something before she put her hand on the blonde's arm. Alex flinched away, pushing the girls hand away aggressively as she looked up quickly. As the girl tried to touch her again, Alex shoved her backward, making Marissa decide to head over quickly.

As she dodged her way past people on the dance floor quickly, she saw the girl step into Alex's space, making the blonde push her back again, even more aggressively than last time. Beginning to worry that the whole situation, whatever it was, was about to escalate, Marissa shifted herself even quicker to get over to Alex. She approached the arguing pair, getting there just in time to stand just in front of Alex enough to push her back gently, putting her arm across the front of her shoulders and chest as she had moved forward, and hold out her hand in front of the stranger girl to stop her from advancing.

**Marissa**

Whoa, that's enough. Calm down, both of you. What the hell is going on?

She demanded, still frowning as she looked between them quickly. Her eyes lingered on Alex questioningly, as the blonde cleared her throat to compose herself. She looked down briefly, running a hand through the side of her hair before she looked up again.

**Carly**

And just who the hell are you exactly?

Marissa turned to glare at the other girl, who now folded her arms, looking at her with a confrontational attitude. Given that she just stopped Alex from possibly beating the crap out of her, Marissa thought she would have been a little more grateful.

**Marissa**

I would be her girlfriend. Who the hell are you?

**Carly**

Oh, so you're _her_. The infamous Marissa.

Narrowing her eyes, Marissa stared at the dark haired girl, wondering just how she knew who she was. Then, as she thought properly, she realised that she reminded her of Jodie. Which brought her to her next realisation.

**Marissa**

Carly.

She realised out loud, dropping her arms again, figuring that it should be safe enough now. She glowered at Carly as she looked her up and down for a moment, snickered, then looked over her shoulder toward Alex.

**Carly**

You told her about me then? An unexpected move from you.

**Alex**

You don't know me.

**Carly**

Sure I do. All that time I spent in the dark with you. There are no secrets in sex Alex, you know that.

As soon as Alex moved, Marissa put her arm up again, struggling to push her back. Carly stood her ground, looking extremely pleased at herself for managing to make her angrier.

**Carly**

You know it wasn't just me, right? You know she slept with pretty much anyone she could.

Carly informed, swinging her conniving look onto Marissa, happy to inform her of her girlfriend's reckless abandon. Marissa looked at her again, standing up a little straighter in order to square off with her properly. She also wanted Carly to really realise how much taller she was than her too.

**Marissa**

Yeah, she told me that. What, you think you can just waltz in here and pry us apart? Grow up. She doesn't want you. Actually, she _hates_ you. Just accept the fact that you're not wanted and leave her, and us, alone.

Marissa ordered harshly, advancing a little bit onto the shorter girl with a protective and eerily scary look in her eyes. If Carly wasn't going to listen to Alex, she was sure as hell going to listen to her.

**Carly**

You hurt her. You don't even deserve her.

**Marissa**

Yes I did and maybe I don't, but here we are back together anyway. That's all you need to know. You _sure _as hell don't deserve her, and thinking that you do just shows how pathetic and desperate you are. Alex made her choice, live with it and back off.

Giving Carly one last steely glare, Marissa reached back and took Alex's hand. The blonde remained silent as Marissa walked away, leading her along down to the other side of the bar. As soon as they were there, completely away from Carly, the brunette turned around again to face her girlfriend.

**Marissa**

You okay?

**Alex**

Yeah, are you?

**Marissa**

I'm fine.

**Alex**

That was…Marissa that was amazing. Thank you.

Alex leant forward, pulling the brunette into a gentle hug. The last person she had wanted to see tonight, especially since she had been having so much fun, was Carly. But trust her to pick the worst time to remind her of her sins. What really surprised her was Marissa though. Not so much the things she had said, but the way she had said them. It was odd for Alex to be protected by someone, rather than doing the actual protecting.

**Marissa**

It's okay. Though, I probably should just have let you hit her!

Alex laughed, pulling away but keeping some of the contact as she looked at Marissa lovingly. Reaching forward, she brushed a strand of hair out the way of her face, before slowly leaning in and initiating a languid, explorative kiss. The feeling of having Marissa stand up for her like that was indescribable, and in a way, symbolising exactly what she had wanted from her a year ago.

After pulling apart again, Alex achieved her original goal of getting drinks as the two of them decided to forget Carly and go back to having a good night. As they squeezed into the booth, virtually having to sit on each other, they talked happily with the odd group that had now accumulated. That was until Marissa got whisked away back onto the dance floor by Rex and Casey. Alex had laughed as they had taken her away, appreciating Marissa's patience and kindness with them. Not that she didn't think that her girlfriend was antisocial or didn't like her friends, but still, they had only just met and her friends could be pretty full on clingy and overly giddy.

After a few songs, when the music began to get a little heavier and rawer, it was Alex's turn to get dragged to the dance floor. Actually, it was more like enticed. As A Pain That I'm Used To by Depeche Mode came on, Marissa almost flung herself back to the table, not so much wanting but needing Alex to dance with her to it. And the blonde was happy to oblige. Once again, they became locked into their own intimate, heated bubble of intimacy, getting so close that they were almost one as the songs kept going. Out Of Control by She Wants Revenge, Closer by Nine Inch Nails, Precious, again by the Depeche Mode, Your Star by Evanescence, Hysteria by Muse, She Makes Me Wanna Die Remix by Tricky. The songs kept on coming, and they kept on moving together.

The time flew by the two lovebirds quickly, surprised when it came time to go home. They had found themselves panting from their efforts on the dance floor after the over head lights had been turned on, indicating that it was home time. They had stood for a moment, looking at one another knowingly. They both knew what they wanted, unable to resist their feelings for any longer. The excruciating part was the wait. Loyally, as ever, Alex had driven her friends home, dropping them off one by one. Her hands had been gripping the steering wheel so hard her knuckles had turned white, as Marissa simply gripped onto the seat and the door as she had stared out into the warm darkness. It seemed like a lifetime before they made it back to Alex's apartment, stumbling through the door sloppily as they kissed roughly, trying to get an advantage on one another. Things fell over as they bumped into them on their way along the hall and into Alex's dark bedroom, and clothes were haphazardly strewn across the floor or onto random surfaces as they were flung away carelessly. Mouths and bodies fused together hungrily, desperately and passionately. Everything that had been bottled up now free to explore. And they did.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

**Sunday Morning**

**Marissa**

Al?

Finding that she was alone in bed after stretching out leisurely, Marissa lifted her head off of the pillow groggily, trying to blink her eyes back into focus. Taking in a slow, deep breath, the brunette confirmed that the spot next to her was empty. Clearing her throat lightly, trying to move the sleepiness out, she began to sit up slowly. After an extremely restful and deep sleep, Marissa was finding it a little hard to come around. That was, despite the lack of time she had spent asleep.

Frowning a little in confusion, Marissa ran a hand through her hair, using her free hand to hold the cover across her chest at the same time. She couldn't help but acknowledge a small pang of concern and panic in the pit of her stomach, as she looked around the sunlit bedroom, again not finding her girlfriend anywhere.

Last night had been the most incredible thing she had ever experienced. She had never reached such a state of euphoria, intensity and intimacy before. Not even last year when she had slept with Alex. She took it to come from the fact that they had connected properly this time around, and had established a level of love between them that they had lacked before. Every muscle and fibre in her was telling her that this was right, and this was real. Yet, as she woke up alone, it felt a little hollow, and she worried for a moment that Alex didn't feel the same.

**Marissa**

Alex?

Even though she had cleared her throat, her voice was still rough from sleep, but louder than she had been a moment ago. As she was about to let the panic take hold of her properly, she looked up as the bathroom door creaked open slightly at the other side of the room. Immediately, as she saw her blonde lover leaning lightly on the frame, she felt relieved. At least she was actually here, and had made herself known as soon as she had called.

**Alex**

Can't you just settle with I don't know yet?

Marissa looked at Alex oddly, before realising that she was holding her cell phone to her ear. Despite her irritated tone, Alex didn't let the mood reach her eyes. Instead, she focused her powerful blue orbs onto Marissa, letting them sparkle brightly. Alex couldn't move her eyes away from the brunette, the unadulterated and raw defined sexiness that Marissa oozed, even right now, was astounding. Actually, probably more so right now.

**Alex**

Mom, just gimme a break, okay? I'm not being difficult, I just don't know yet. I told you I would ask, so I will. Yeah. Okay. Bye.

Snapping her phone shut, letting out a soft but sharp sigh, Alex pushed herself away from the doorframe and ran a hand through her hair quickly. Looking down at the floor for a moment, before licking her lips and taking in a deep breath, she looked back up and over at Marissa.

**Alex**

Hi.

Marissa reflected the soft, loving smile that Alex gave her, instantly quashing those pangs of panic she had felt moments ago.

**Marissa**

Hi.

Wiggling her phone in her hand, Alex rolled her eyes, still not moving from her spot between the bedroom and the bathroom.

**Alex**

I'm sorry; I didn't mean to worry you. My Mom called and I didn't want to wake you up. You looked so peaceful.

The blonde explained almost sheepishly, regretting having to pry herself away from Marissa and out of bed some ten minutes earlier. She had crept across her room, pulling out some underwear and a top from her draws as she passed and slipped them on as she had bickered with her Mother in the bathroom.

**Marissa**

Come back over here.

Alex did as she was told, and crossed her bedroom, putting her phone back on the nightstand before climbing back onto the bed. She let Marissa take her hand, before reaching forward and stroking through some of the messy brown locks.

**Alex**

Are you okay? I mean, with what happened last night?

**Marissa**

Why wouldn't I be?

Marissa wondered, frowning ever so slightly, thinking it an odd question. If she hadn't have been okay with it, she wouldn't have gone through with it. But she seemed to remember being an extremely active participant last night.

**Alex**

I wanted to make sure it happened naturally, you know? I didn't think it was gunna be this fast.

Marissa put her hand on Alex's face, seeing the slight tinge of worry there that they had moved too fast for her liking. Leaning forward, she brought there lips together so softly and fleetingly, it was almost as though it never happened.

**Marissa**

I love you. What's more natural than that? It wasn't too fast. It was perfect.

Alex's smile widened, and a glimmer of relief swept through her expressive eyes quickly. Despite the extraordinary night that they had spent together last night, and the delightful feeling she had woken with this morning, the blonde had worried that she had let things happen too quickly. Or pushed them to happen too quickly. She knew how she felt; she knew how much she loved Marissa and how much she wanted her. But she was also the one that was confident in her sexuality. She was the one with the experience, the one who had been through what the brunette was going through right now. All Marissa knew right now was that she was in love. And after everything that had happened to her over the past year, Alex wondered if this would simply be too much for her.

**Marissa**

Hey, stop it.

Blinking back into reality, Alex looked up as Marissa nudged her slightly, eyes both serious and amused.

**Alex**

Stop what?

**Marissa**

That. Alex I can practically hear your thoughts. What happened last night was the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. And you didn't rush me into anything. I wanted you too.

**Alex**

You did huh?

Alex replied playfully, keeping her expression mysterious but still letting her eyes glow, relating to the brunette just how happy she was. Alex took both of Marissa's hands, pulling her forward into her so that she could kiss her again. They both squealed, laughing a little as Marissa fell forward causing both of them to fall. However, it didn't stop the teasing but beautiful kiss between them. Alex was happy to have Marissa's weight on her, and Marissa was happy to be there. That was the way they remained for a long while, happy to explore one another's mouths, until finally they were too out of breath to keep going.

**Marissa**

Can I ask you something?

Marissa made no move to get off of Alex. She was actually very comfortable, and she already knew that Alex could take her weight. Liked it there even. Instead, as she panted slightly and tried to catch her breath again, she just leant her head back far enough to see her girlfriend properly.

**Alex**

Sure.

**Marissa**

How did you sort through your feelings? I mean, when you figured out that you were attracted to girls.

**Alex**

You mean how did I deal with being bi?

**Marissa**

Yeah.

**Alex**

Well, I was just honest with myself. I knew I couldn't stop it, so it wasn't that hard to deal with. I just went with what felt right. What was hard however, was everything else.

**Marissa**

What do you mean?

**Alex**

I mean my parents, and my friends that couldn't deal. I went through hell with them. But I just knew I couldn't lie about it, I just had to go with the flow.

**Marissa**

I guess that makes sense.

Marissa replied softly, distractedly. Her eyes glazed over thoughtfully, as she once again began to delve into the many unanswered questions she had about her own sexuality. Alex made a good point. There was nothing you could do but go with the flow. Just, Marissa was having a hard time finding the flow. All she knew was her feeling toward the blonde beneath her.

**Alex**

You don't have to come up with all the answers Riss. You don't have to live in a little box to make people comfortable. You only have to answer to yourself, and be who you want to be. That's all that really matters.

Refocusing her eyes again, Marissa looked at Alex affectionately. Perhaps she was right. Maybe she would never be able to clearly define what she was. As long as she was happy and honest, did it truly matter? Sexuality was so fluid, what did it matter if it had a label or not?

**Marissa**

Thank you.

**Alex**

That's okay. I just want you to be comfortable. And I want you to know that I don't expect you to be anything. You don't have to answer to me either.

Alex stressed sincerely, not wanting Marissa to put any pressure on herself to please her or something. If there was anyone that understood the confusion of sexuality, and now it could be indefinable, it was her. If Marissa was gay, that was fine. But you didn't have to be gay to love another girl. You didn't have to be anything. Some people saw beyond gender, and saw directly into a person. So what if it didn't fit neatly into a box? Alex had plenty of friends like that.

**Marissa**

I am comfortable.

The brunette confirmed, a little more settled in her concerns now. Maybe she would come up with an answer at some point, but it was nice to know that if she didn't it didn't matter. Alex was happy with her being who she wanted to be, and understood that these things were complicated sometimes. Marissa didn't have the fear of making it seem like she was snubbing anything anymore either. Didn't feel compelled to make up an answer just to suit everyone else. Perhaps she was just an Alex-bian!

**Marissa**

What did your Mom have to say at such a wonderful hour in the morning?

After thoroughly kissing Alex again, showing her sign of appreciation, she let the blonde sigh with a little groan, as she rolled them over so that she could be on top now.

**Alex**

She wanted to know if I was going home for dinner.

The blonde mumbled in between planting kisses down her lover's neck gently.

**Marissa**

What did you say?

**Alex**

I said I would ask my girlfriend.

Marissa couldn't help but widen her eyes a little, pushing Alex on the shoulder to make her stop kissing along her neck. She couldn't help but be surprised, considering that she knew Alex and her parents' relationship was still not perfect. She knew that the Kelly's were still adjusting to the fact that their daughter liked other girls, and that it still carried a lot of pain for Alex. So telling her parents that she was in a same sexed relationship was quite the surprise.

**Marissa**

Wait, what? You told them? About me? About us?

Alex simply nodded, as though it was no big deal.

**Alex**

Yeah, I did.

**Marissa**

Alex. That's just, oh my god.

Alex smirked lightly at Marissa's reaction, thinking it absolutely adorable. She guessed that she could have expected this. She supposed she should have been acting a little more like Marissa. But she wasn't. She wasn't freaked out, or worried, or any of what she thought she would be when it came the time to tell her folks that she was dating a girl. Mainly due to the fact that she was dating Marissa. Perhaps before last night, she would have been more anxious about it. But as she had woken up entangled in her lover's body, having her breath on her skin, she had just known inside of her that this was it. She didn't know how she knew it, but she accepted it none the less. Telling her Mom when she had called, it had just seemed natural to her.

**Alex**

You know what you said just now? About how you loved me, and what could be more natural? Well that's how I feel about this. You are in my life. And I plan for you to be for a very long time. Telling my parents had to come around at some point. I want them to know you.

**Marissa**

Wow…

**Alex**

Yeah.

**Marissa**

Do you think they'll be okay with that?

**Alex**

Well, there's only one way to find out. I mean, it's not entirely perfect but my Mom was the one to invite you. If they can make the effort, so can I.

**Marissa**

And I can make it with you.

Alex moved to resume her former activities, working her kisses up along Marissa's neck before reaching the corner of her mouth. She eased into the kisses, short and sweet before they became deeper and meaningful. Her hand snaked its way under the sheet that was providing a very thing barrier cover her girlfriend who shivered slightly as she trailed her fingertips across her stomach.

**Alex**

You are so beautiful.

**Marissa**

You're beautiful too.

Marissa replied sweetly. Alex shook her head, her features becoming overwhelmed, as well as slightly playful.

**Alex**

No, I mean you are so _fucking_ beautiful. And hot. And sexy. And…

As Alex stressed her point, kissing Marissa another couple of times in between words, her voice took on an awe stricken tone. Then, as she trailed off she pulled the cover up and looked down, eyes roaming over Marissa's perfectly toned body.

**Alex**

Wow!

Alex managed to finish before she earned herself a smack on the arm. She giggled mischievously, but by no means did she not mean anything she had just said.

**Marissa**

Again, _so _very romantic!

Marissa admonished sarcastically, rolling her eyes at the blonde's behaviour, being reminded of saying much in the way of the same when they had talked on the phone earlier in the week. Alex wouldn't be Alex without her perverted and brazen attitude though. And Marissa had missed how playful and charming the blonde could be when they were alone in bed together. Something that she was looking forward to experiencing much more of. For now though, she decided that Alex was wearing _far _too many clothes.

**12:30pm**

**Alex**

No, you guys don't. C'mon give me a break. Please?

Despite her pleas, Alex still found herself crashing to the ground, her twin brothers landing squarely on top of her, squashing what little air she had left out. They laughed sweetly, bouncing slightly which caused their older sister to groan as she closed her eyes tightly.

**Alex**

Okay. Ouch.

**Marissa**

Are you okay?

Marissa wondered, leaning over slightly as she tucked her hair behind her ears. She peered down at Alex, halfway between concerned and amused.

**Alex**

Oh, yeah. Fine. I don't need to breathe. Or _walk_.

Alex deadpanned before she coughed, opening her eyes again before looking between her brothers.

**Alex**

Meet my brothers. Beau and Baylor. Guys, that's Marissa.

The seven year old twins looked around curiously. Marissa looked between them, noting how much they looked like their big sister. Both having the bright blonde hair and steely blue gazes. They're eyes were so mischievous, but yet so sweet and tender too.

**Vivi**

Oh for heavens sake, boys get off of your sister.

Giggling, Beau and Baylor did as their Mother said, as she came out into the hallway, ushering them with her dish towel. Scrambling onto their feet, they remained close by, obviously eager to see their sister. Alex sighed, before sitting up, wincing a little before managing to make it onto her feet.

**Beau **

Will you play ball with us after dinner?

**Alex**

Sure.

**Baylor**

Can you teach us about basketball?

**Alex**

Okay.

**Beau**

Can we play in your jeep?

**Alex**

No.

**Baylor**

Please?

**Alex**

No.

**Beau**

Will you take us for a drive then?

**Alex**

I guess so.

The boys threw themselves at Alex again, wrapping their arms around her tightly. She smirked as she grunted again, staggering back a little as she leant down and gave them both a kiss on the head.

**Alex**

Get lost I need to talk to Mom.

As requested, the boys immediately did as they were told and raced each other the short distance toward the living room. They were just happy to have their sister home for a visit, and had completely forgotten about the guest that was there too.

**Vivi**

They miss you.

Alex nodded slowly, clearing her throat as she looked down at the floor for a moment. Marissa on her part, stood silently, still hovering close to the front door. She looked at Alex's Mother, surprised by the thick Southern accent she boasted. Alex had never mentioned anything about it. The brunette had presumed that her family were all from L.A. Alex was a little taller than her Mother, who was a darker shade of blonde with brown eyes. She was plump, and looked like she had an age in her eyes that shouldn't have been there.

**Alex**

I know. I erm…Mom this is Marissa Cooper. She's my girlfriend.

Alex avoided the whole lecture she usually got for not coming home to visit enough, considering how busy she got with school and work. That, and she didn't like the home she had grown up in much anymore. Not since her sister. It seemed emptier, hollow even. There were a few fleeting childhood memories that had been happy. But then the shit had hit the fan, hard. She had gotten into fights at school, started acting out and getting thrown out. Then of course, there was the whole sexuality drama. It was still all like a whirlwind inside of Alex's head. Everything had seemed to happen at once. Getting thrown out, told to get a job and change. Be normal. And of course, there was the accident.

Marissa smiled a little nervously, but managed to make it a warm smile. She didn't move for a moment, feeling her stomach twist as Mrs Kelly looked at her. She wasn't sure what went through the older woman's eyes exactly. It wasn't elation, she knew that much. It didn't totally come to happiness either. It left Marissa with the feeling that she was still struggling to come to real terms with her daughter's affections. Still, she was trying at least.

**Vivi**

Well, look at you. Aren't you just a picture? A little skinny perhaps, but beautiful none the less.

**Marissa**

It's very nice to meet you Mrs Kelly. And thank you, for inviting me to dinner.

**Vivi**

You're welcome. And please, call me Vivi.

Marissa nodded, her eyes moving upward to the staircase as she caught something moving in the corner of her eyes. She was somewhat startled, to see a teenage girl, maybe around the same age as Kaitlin, hovering on the steps, looking down at them all curiously. She looked exactly like Alex. The same bright hair, the same piercing eyes. The ones that were looking at her now, already seeming to know who she was, and remained silently weary.

**Vivi**

Oh, Molly, good. It's almost time for dinner, come down.

Alex turned around, and watched as her younger sister stepped down the stairs like she had been told to do. They looked at one another uncomfortably, bringing a new level of awkwardness into the small hallway.

**Alex**

Hey.

**Molly**

Hey.

**Alex**

How you doing?

**Molly**

Fine. You?

**Alex**

Okay. This is Marissa.

Molly looked toward Marissa, nodding in greeting. Marissa smiled, taking in the difference of how Alex greeted her sister to how she greeted her brothers. There seemed to be a detachment between them, a coldness that actually made Marissa shiver slightly. She couldn't help but be reminded of her own sister, and how they had drifted apart until recently. It looked like the exact same thing had happened between Alex and Molly. But she wasn't blind either. She saw the desperation in both of their eyes, wanting to connect with one another. She saw the overwhelming love they had, but it was blocked by whatever the issue was that had come between them.

**One hour later**

Roscoe Kelly seemed to be a quiet, introspective man, holding back on his thoughts in order to think them over as situations presented themselves. Which, Marissa thought, was where Alex must have learnt it from. He had a strong streak of determination in his eyes, and even though they were riddled with pain, that strength didn't seem to falter.

He had an accent as thick as his wife's, if not thicker, but it added to his charm somehow. And he had a lot of charm. Upon being introduced to the brunette, he had held out his hand to greet her, remarking on how pretty she was too. His clear blue eyes sparkled at her for a moment, before they had turned onto his daughter. Marissa watched intently as a sea of different emotions washed through him, but he expressed none of it. Just looked at his child an underlying pain that obviously wounded deeper parts of himself that he wouldn't expose. It made Marissa sad. She briefly thought of her own Father, and how she had left things with him.

It had surprised her a little bit, as Alex and her Father had fallen into a seemingly easy conversation then. Albeit centred around sports or cars. Evidently, they had found a good common ground to relate to each other with, and clung to it dearly. Marissa wondered if the problem with her girlfriend's parents stemmed from not really being able to understand their daughter. Not meaning to imply that they were simple, or anything. But Alex could be quite the puzzle to work out. She was enigmatic and mysterious, to say the least. Clearly a lot more intelligent than her parents though, maybe adding to the problem. And then, of course, there was the whole sexuality thing. Alex had told her before that her parents were religious. Not freaky religious or anything, but just enough to make them struggle with the fact that she liked girls. All of that added up, along with Alex's hot temper, fighting and getting expelled, well Marissa guessed that things had just reached a boiling point. The type of boiling point that made them throw her out and tell her to go get a job.

Now sitting at the table, the conversation was still somewhat tense and awkward. No one really knew what to say. Even the twins were remaining mostly quiet, which the brunette thought most likely a miracle since they had been making some kind of noise since she arrived here. Vivi and Roscoe had done most of the footwork. First asking how school was going for Alex, and mentioning that it would be college confirmation day soon. Then Marissa had bitten the bullet, deciding to ask the couple where they came from.

It turned out that they came from a small town in Tennessee. Their families had known each other for quite some time, and they had been together since they could remember. Despite everyone saying they were too young to appreciate what real love was, they stuck at it and got married right after high school. Then, after saving up some money, they had headed over to Los Angeles. Vivi had wanted to be a chef in a fancy restaurant, and Roscoe had wanted to be a musician. It didn't end well, like it didn't for most people seeking the dream in L.A. Now, Vivi was a high school cook and Roscoe was a mechanic. They had started their family a little earlier than expected, and had more children than they had counted on, but still, such as life went. They had had to make do.

**Marissa**

Alex said you had five children, is that right?

Marissa glanced at Alex, mainly pointing the question at her as she squinted slightly, remembering what the blonde had said on Friday. Alex looked at her awkwardly, before clearing her throat and bushing a strand of hair back slowly.

**Alex**

Yeah.

She responded faintly, looking back down at her plate again. Marissa frowned softly in confusion.

**Vivi**

You didn't tell Marissa about your sister?

Vivi asked, not shocked exactly, or mad, but quite concerned in a way. Her eyes flickered onto the brunette sitting next to her daughter for a moment; taking in how lost she looked, whilst Alex didn't respond.

**Molly**

We had an older sister.

Molly informed abruptly, and in contrast to her parents, looked very angry. Marissa looked across the table at the teenager, a little taken back, before her eyes wondered back to Alex, not really knowing what to say or what was happening. The air had got thicker somehow, extremely quickly. And now she had this sudden feeling that she had put her foot in it.

**Alex**

Can we not talk about Sidda please?

**Molly**

Why?

Molly demanded, forcing Alex to look up at her.

**Alex**

Because…I just don't want to.

Her voice was still low, hurt somehow. She had tensed up, and Marissa could virtually see the fortress walls build up around her.

**Vivi**

Alex honey, it's been two years. You're going to have to talk about it at some point.

Vivi pointed out softly, reaching over to put a hand on Alex's arm. Her daughter flinched at the contact, but didn't shrug herself free. Instead she just looked down again, taking a deep but shaky breath as though she were trying to compose herself.

**Roscoe**

Vivi, don't push her.

They all jumped as Molly slammed her fork down onto the table, glaring at her sister as she did.

**Molly**

Why does _she _get to decide whether we talk about Sidda or not? She's never here; she's like a ghost anyway. Maybe it should be the other way around.

**Roscoe**

Young lady…

**Molly**

_No_! At least then maybe I'd still have a sister. Like this I don't have any. Maybe it should have been Alex. Sometimes I wish it had been.

**Alex**

Yeah well, sometimes I wish that too.

Before anyone could say anything else, Alex stood up abruptly, striding out of the room before anyone could stop her. Vivi objected, a look of desperation crossing her features as she looked after her daughter. Then, she looked at Marissa as she too stood up, feeling the instant need to follow her girlfriend and make sure she was okay. After all, she felt like she had helped cause this. She might not have known exactly what 'this' was, but she knew it was hurting Alex.

By the time Marissa reached the back door that opened up onto the porch, Alex was already leaning on the railing, head lowered so her chin was tucked into her chest. The brunette reached out to her, letting her hand slip softly onto her shoulder. The gesture caused Alex to turn immediately, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend as she cried softly. That was the second time this weekend Marissa had seen her cry, and the second time that she felt like she had caused it. Although she liked that Alex was now comfortable enough not to shield her vulnerable side of her, she still didn't like seeing her cry. No one liked seeing other people cry. Or at least, they shouldn't.

**Alex**

This was such a bad idea.

Alex said, her voice coming out muffled since she was currently tucked into Marissa's shoulder. She felt better, just being held by the brunette. The soothing feeling of having her stroke through her hair, rub her back, it had calmed her down a little bit.

**Marissa**

Do you want me to drive you home?

Marissa offered, not really knowing what else to do. She didn't want to outright ask Alex for an explanation, not right now whilst she was so upset. She just looked at her, as she pulled back, shaking her head slightly as she sniffled.

**Alex**

No. I erm…I should tell you what's going on.

This time Marissa shook her head, as Alex rubbed the tears away from her eyes and cheeks.

**Marissa**

You don't have to.

**Alex**

I know I don't.

Clearing her throat before taking in a another shaky breath, Alex looked to the side for a moment as she leaned back on the wooden railing, crossing her arms over her chest.

**Alex**

I got kicked out of home around six months before I came to Newport. I just let people believe that I went straight there, but I didn't. I got expelled again, and my parents had just had enough. On that day, my older sister, Siddalee, was home. She was fighting for me, as usual. She always did that, stuck up for me. I worshiped the ground she walked on. But they weren't having any of it; everything had gotten so fucked up by then. So, when they told me to leave, I was furious, and hurt, and everything you feel when you think you've been rejected by your parents. I was heading for her car, but she got there before me. She wanted to calm me down, so she got behind the steering wheel and we just drove. And about twenty minutes later, she was too busy fussing over me that she didn't see the other car swerve out of their lane. I just remember the noise of the crash, rather than what happened. I woke up in the back of an ambulance. When I asked them were Sidda was, they told me that the fire fighters were trying to cut her out of the car. It took her almost two months to die.

**Marissa**

God Alex. I am _so_, sorry.

Listening to the pain and bitterness in Alex's voice was awful. Seeing her eyes so cold was even worse. When she had been with her when they had first dated, Marissa wondered what the nightmare's were that she'd witnessed Alex have a couple of times. And she had asked, once or twice, where a couple of her scars came from. Alex had always just said they were various childhood scars or ones from her fights in school. But now they were this. Her girlfriend had lost her big sister. She couldn't possibly imagine what that was like. She didn't want to, either. Again, she thought briefly of Kaitlin, and how she would feel if anything happened to her. And then she thought of Molly. She must have been so confused when this had all happened. The fighting, Alex's leaving, her big sister dying. And then Alex had really left, taking off to Newport instead. That's what she had meant, about Alex being a ghost. Marissa suddenly realised where the girl's anger toward her sister was coming from. She felt like Alex had abandoned her, and all she wanted to be was part of her life.

**Alex**

I crashed at Jodie's. But then I just couldn't stay in L.A anymore. Couldn't stay with her anymore. It was like she just expected me to get over it or something. So I came out to Newport.

**Marissa**

To have your heartbroken. I'm sorry.

As Alex was about to reply, she looked over Marissa's shoulder as the door opened slowly. She watched as her parents came out timidly, wondering if they were disturbing a private moment, or if Alex wanted to see them right now. She looked over at them, not wearily or angrily, but with regret and guilt.

**Roscoe**

Molly didn't mean what she said. She doesn't wish you were dead. She's just…

**Alex**

I know, Dad. She's right. I did become like a ghost to her. I haven't been a very good sister.

**Vivi**

And we haven't been good parents.

Vivi added on, making Alex frown slightly in confusion.

**Vivi**

I don't know how things got so messed up, but I do know we never intended them to be. We both should have made an effort to understand you better, and we certainly should never have let you leave. Or given up our parental rights. You were our child and you were hurting, you needed us. We should have been there for you.

**Alex**

Well I'm sorry I was such a screw up.

**Roscoe**

You're not a screw up. Different maybe, but not a screw up! Fact is, you're not afraid to be who you wanna be and stand up for yourself. We didn't get that. And maybe we were jealous somehow, 'cos we knew you could reach your dreams. The girls, that was a little hard to take yeah, but I think at some point it became an excuse to fight, to make it easier. Because trying to understand you were too scary.

**Alex**

And what about now?

**Roscoe**

Not so scary!

Roscoe smirked slightly, his eyes still twinkling. Alex reflected it as she sniffled slightly, then stepped forward to give her Father a hug. His smile widened as she squeezed her a little bit, planting a kiss on her head before letting her go so that she could embrace her Mother too.

Marissa wasn't exactly sure if she was meant to have witnessed that or not. If the Kelly's actually remembered that she was out here. She felt like she was an intruder, but at the same time, felt a little privileged to see it happen. She was also overwhelming happy for Alex. And again, she couldn't stop her mind from floating onto Kaitlin and her Father. Her Dad she was still a little miffed at, but she decided to try and at least talk to him properly without being a petulant child about it. And when it came to Kaitlin, she realised that her Mom was right. She just wanted to be part of her big sisters life. Which was why she stayed out on the porch as Alex went inside to talk to Molly, and her parents went with her. Instead, Marissa opted to stay outside, and pulled out her phone as she dialled quickly. After pacing pensively, she stopped and smiled slightly as her sister answered the phone.

**Marissa**

Hey, how are you? Really? Good. I was wondering, do you have time to talk? You do? That's great, 'cos I have something I'd really like to tell you about.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

**Monday night**

**Alex**

I can't believe you have to go home tomorrow.

Alex almost sulked; pushing some of Marissa's mussed up hair out the way of her face gently. They were sprawled out in bed, naked limbs wrapped around one another, facing one another. Today had been different, seeing as Alex had had to go to school. She had let Marissa have the jeep for the day, so she wouldn't be bored and cooped up at home all day. Classes had seemed long and tedious, and by the time Marissa picked her up again, she was one little ball of sexual frustration. Which was why they had never made the movie they had planned to go see, and instead alternated between sex, a film on TV and ordering and eating take out. And now the thought hit the blonde that Marissa would be going back to Newport tomorrow.

**Marissa**

Don't remind me.

**Alex**

What, you don't wanna see what happens with your Mom and that guy?

Alex smirked teasingly, prodding Marissa in hopes to lighten the atmosphere before it shot into the ground. She knew neither of them particularly wanted to think about tomorrow, so ignoring it and trying to make it go away for tonight seemed the best course of action.

**Marissa**

Oh my god, that poor man. I bet my Mom has terrified him by now!

Alex laughed, making Marissa laugh too. Never let it be said that Julie Cooper wasn't a full on lady.

**Alex**

Families are strange things.

Marissa grunted and nodded in agreement.

**Alex**

So did you talk to Kaitlin again today?

**Marissa**

Yeah. She's okay. Has a _lot _of questions of course, but she's okay with it. She wants to meet you, like right now! But in lieu of that she wants pictures.

Alex winced, screwing up her face as she let out a long breath.

**Alex**

Pictures? Really? I'm not all that photogenic.

Marissa nudged her girlfriend, her eyes widening toward her slightly with an accusatory look crossing her glowing blue eyes.

**Marissa**

Whatever, you are such a poser Alex Kelly.

Alex just laughed, not bothering to put up a fight with the statement. Okay, so she wouldn't use the word poser. But she had been known to jump into a few snaps quite happily. Only because she liked having a record of the random and crazy things her and her friends got up to.

**Alex**

Okay, well, just don't send her any embarrassing ones.

She insisted, before leaning forward and kissing the brunette softly.

**Marissa**

I've loved being here with you this weekend. I'm glad we got to sort things out. I dunno, it's just made me feel lighter, you know? And not just between us.

Alex nodded, she had never expected the weekend to go as it had, but she was happy how it had ended up too. Despite having to rehash old wounds. It had made things better not only between Marissa and herself, but also with her family. Clearing the air with her parents, finally giving them the chance to really move on. And also with Molly, who had grumpily agreed to give her a second chance. Now all Alex had to figure out was how to be a good sister. But she thought she could handle it, she had had a good role model after all. And Marissa had started talking to Kaitlin too, which Alex was pleased about. Marissa had realised that she needed to let her little sister know her, she needed to talk to her. Alex had wished she had realised that for herself sooner, but such was life. At least she was making the effort now.

**Alex**

Me too. Now all we have to do is wait to hear from Berkeley.

**Tuesday evening**

Alex opened the front door to Summer's house, and stepped out into the warm night air. She turned, watching both Marissa and Summer follow her out too.

**Summer**

You sure you don't wanna crash tonight and head back tomorrow?

Summer offered as a last ditch effort to keep Alex here just that little bit longer. Not only for her best friend, but as to try and get to know her a little better too.

**Alex**

I can't, but thanks for the offer.

Summer nodded in understanding. Alex had to get back for school. Realistically, she knew that Alex would never be able to get up early enough to make it back in time. Well she could, but it would mean getting up at a ridiculous time, and possibly falling flat asleep in the middle of one of her classes.

**Marissa**

Call me when you get home, okay?

Alex nodded, smirking slightly at having just about the same thing said to her as the first time she had left the other week. Things had happened to quickly in that space of time. Finding Marissa on the beach seemed so long ago, like another lifetime. So much had happened between then and now that it was almost unbelievable. But both girls' knew it wasn't a dream. They had mused, as they had being lying in bed together on Monday night, that they were a little like Vivi and Roscoe Kelly. They had spotted true love at such a young age. And after all this time they still loved one another. The same could be said of them. Both blonde and brunette knew, somewhere deep inside, that this was real. They may have been too young to some people, but they didn't feel what they were feeling. They didn't just know. Alex and Marissa did, and they weren't going to waste anymore time trying to deny it.

**Alex**

Don't worry, I will.

Marissa smile, leaning forward and enveloping Alex into a tight hug. She didn't want her to leave, obviously. It was hard to step out of the bubble they had been in over the weekend. But this was their reality. They lived apart, and there was nothing they could do about it right now. They just had to wait a couple of weeks and see if they got into school together. If they did or didn't, they could still at least make some kind of plan.

**Marissa**

I left a present for you. It's on your bed.

Alex pulled back a little, eyebrow quirked curiously and a playful smirk crossing her lips.

**Alex**

What is it?

She demanded, practically bouncing on the balls of her feet. When it came to surprises, she was pretty much a small child. She always wanted to know right there and then, and couldn't possibly wait. It came out of not really liking surprises all that much. Actually, she hated them. But when they came from someone like Marissa, she honestly didn't mind so much.

**Marissa**

You'll just hafta wait and see now, won't you?

Marissa chuckled, nudging Alex in the arm lightly before leaning forward and kissing her thoroughly. She sighed as their mouths parted, but leant her forehead against the blonde's.

**Marissa**

I love you.

**Alex**

I love you too.

They looked at one another for a moment intimately, before Alex took a step back, and reluctantly started to move away. They kept their hands held for as long as they could, but eventually had to let one another go. Marissa sighed once again, sadly, as she watched her girlfriend walk down to her jeep. She appreciated Summer stepping up beside her, looping a hand around her and resting her head on her arm lovingly.

**Summer**

I have some Ben and Jerry's in the freezer.

She said faintly, as they saw Alex wave before pulling out of the driveway. Marissa looked down at her, and nodded slowly. She was glad that she didn't have to go back to the trailer and be alone. Her Mom had organised her to stay here with Summer when she got back from Alex's so neither of them would have to be alone for the remainder of their cruise.

**Marissa**

Got any Phish Food?

**Summer**

C'mon now Coop, this is me we're talking about. Of _course_ I have Phish Food!

**Two weeks later**

Marissa and Summer flung every piece of post that wasn't important onto the floor haphazardly, both searching for their letters from college. As they picked one up each, they both grunted before swapping quickly, having picked each others up. Their parents were stood close by, chuckling at their frantic efforts.

**Summer**

Oh my god…

Summer breathed, reading the letter Brown had sent her quickly.

**Marissa**

Oh my god…

Marissa added a second later, putting her hand over her mouth as her eyes moved over her letter once again. She had to check that she had actually read this right.

**Julie**

What? 'Oh my god' what?

Julie demanded eagerly, looking between Marissa and Summer desperately wanting to know what was going on.

**Neil **

You're killing us here girls.

Neil also looked between the two girls, a whirl of anticipation running through his stomach. He hadn't truly expected himself to ask Julie to marry him on their cruise, but it had seemed like the best idea at the time. After proposing that they moved in together, as a trial period to see if they worked as a family, he had come to realise that they were working. It had been out of protection for his daughter that he had suggested it. She had been through enough family drama, and he wanted to spare her the pain of going through more. But she seemed thrilled with the turn of events, and extremely happy that she would be getting Marissa as a sister. And Marissa seemed happy too. Neil knew that the girl had her problems, but he didn't shy away from that. She was genuinely a good girl, just with her fair share of weight. Maybe being in a stable family environment could help her further?

**Summer**

I got in. I got into Brown. Oh my god! Daddy I got in!

Summer started off in a quieter, astounded kind of voice, but as the news really sank into her head, she ended up squealing happily. Bolting over to her Father, she virtually jumped on him happily, and laughed as she spun her around in a hug happily. Then, she gladly accepted Julie's hug too.

**Neil**

Marissa, what about you?

Neil wondered, looking back over at Marissa who was still reading her letter. She turned it over to check if there was anything on the back, then looked at it again.

**Marissa**

Berkeley erm…they accepted me. I can't believe it, they actually accepted me.

Marissa jumped out of her daze as Julie screamed, rushing her daughter and pulling her into a hug. It wasn't as though she didn't think she would get in, but she had been quite worried about it. What with her past, the problems and ditching school, the shooting. There had been enough doubt in her mind to make her worry that Berkeley wouldn't want someone like her. But here she was, being proved wrong. As it sank in, she laughed, hugging her Mother back. Then, she grunted as Summer barged into them, getting in on the hug too. Marissa laughed, turning to hug her friend properly as Julie let her go.

**Neil**

Well, I think this causes for celebration.

Neil announced, leaving the happy scene to go in search of the bottle of champagne that he had gotten out and ready the night before.

**Marissa**

Oh my god, I hafta tell Alex.

**Summer**

I hafta tell Cohen!

The girls separated, bolting in different directions as they started to pull out there phones. All day at school everyone had been excited and nervous. Some students' parents had called them to give them the news, but other had had to sit through their classes and wait. Just like they had.

**Julie**

Meet us outside when you're done.

Julie called after both of them, rolling her eyes and shaking her head as she followed Neil in the general direction he had left in. Right now was one of the proudest moments of her parenthood. After all the struggling she had done with Marissa, all the fighting and almost loosing her, today had seemed like an impossibility. She knew how smart her daughter was of course. Just, Marissa had never truly believed it. Or if she did, she didn't let it show and instead gave off an apathetic attitude toward it. The turnaround she had shown in the past few weeks was unbelievable, and now Julie was relieved. Relieved to know that Marissa knew she really did have a great future ahead of her.

**Marissa**

Did you get your letter?

Marissa didn't even bother to say hello when Alex answered, far too wound up to do anything but find out if Alex had gotten into Berkeley too. She paced frantically by the stairs, still jiggling slightly from the excitement of getting into college. A damn good college.

**Alex**

Yeah. I did. Look, Riss…I erm…

Alex paused, and Marissa felt her breath catch at her solemn tone.

**Marissa**

What? Did you get in?

She asked, deciding that the pause was far too long.

**Alex**

Yeah, I got in!

**Marissa**

_Alex_! Don't do that, you had me worried there.

Alex just laughed, finding herself extremely amusing. She could tell that Marissa wasn't really mad. Nothing could hide that blatant happy and excited tone running through her voice right now.

**Alex**

I take it since I can practically see you glowing that you got in?

**Marissa**

Yeah, I got in. Oh my god. Alex, we're going to Berkeley. Together!

Alex laughed again.

**Alex**

Yes we are.

Looking up to see Summer come out of the front living room and indicate she would wait with their parents, Marissa nodded and gestured that she wouldn't be a minute. She was so elated that she didn't even have the words to describe it. Finally, she felt her life changing. She would be going to college, starting fresh and moving on from everything that had happened. She would be turning into an adult, getting out of Newport. And she got to experience all that with the girl that she loved more than anyone. It couldn't have gotten any better. She knew Alex felt the same too. But before they did that, before they stepped into adulthood and started their new chapters, they still had a couple of childish things to do.

**Marissa**

Well, I guess there's only one question I have to ask you then.

**Alex**

Oh yeah, and what's that?

**Marissa**

Will you go to prom with me, Miss Kelly?

**The End**


End file.
